SMILES APLENTY FOR ARRG IN WEEKEND WISCONSIN TRIP!

by the Grand Poobah (Story constructed from online footage via Derby News Network)

(FRANKLIN, WI) In 2007, the editorial staff at Money as well as cable television network CNN listed Franklin, Wisconsin as one of the “Top 100 Cities to live in the US.”

But this past weekend, ARRG Nation rechristened Franklin as “the happiest place on earth” after the league won all its bouts at Midwest Brewhaha 2011.

The two-day event, hosted by the Brewcity Bruisers, featured 23 bouts with representation from 17 leagues within the WFTDA North Central region.

It’s the kind of invitational that garners a lot of attention, within and outside the region. Eight leagues ranked in the region’s current top 10 participated. Do well here and those who follow flat-track roller derby will take notice.

In the end, ARRG garnered a lot of attention this past weekend.

The ARRG All-Stars – currently ranked tenth in the WFTDA North Central region – defeated #9 Chicago Outfit 129-72 Saturday and #15 Burning River 149-87 Sunday.

Meanwhile, the Saint Lunachix – ARRG’s developmental squad – bested the Brewcity Battlestars 166-85 Saturday and Mad Rollin’ Dolls Team Unicorn 200-92 Sunday.

The pair of wins for the ARRG All-Stars – winners of five straight – improved the team’s record to 5-1 overall. The Saint Lunachix improved to 7-1 with their wins.

In the end, the trip to the Badger State was proved successful and provided the momentum needed as the squads head into the second half of the travel season.

This is especially true for the ARRG All-Stars, who host North Central’s #7 Northstar on Saturday, June 11 at Midwest Sport Hockey in Ballwin, MO. Tickets for that bout, which also features a men’s bout between the STLGatekeepers and the Twin City Terrors are on sale now at BROWN PAPER TICKETS.

BREWHAHA SATURDAY

ARRG ALL-STARS 129  CHICAGO OUTFIT SYNDICATE 72

The main event of the Saturday session featured the teams ranked ninth and tenth in the North Central region.

ARRG raced out to a quick 11-0 lead following South City Shiner’s opening jam. The Outfit’s Queefer Sutherland would counter with six on the next jam to cut the lead in half.

At the 20:00 mark, ARRG’s Mighty Mighty Boston would score four to extend the local’s lead to 17-8. The Outfit would strike back with Lola Blow’s six-pointer to whittle the gap down to 17-14.

Arch Rival would go an 11-3 run midway through the half. Boston scored two while Shiner and Downtown Dallis added five and four respectively for ARRG, who sported a 28-17 lead with 12:00 left in the half.

The Outfit would chip away at the lead as Blow would collect four to cut the lead to 28-21 with 10:00 left.

And then the bout’s defining moment came with the next jam. The Outfit’s Sweet Mary Pain gained lead jammer status and quickly scored five to reduce ARRG’s lead to 28-26. But after her initial scoring pass, Pain was sent to the penalty box for a track cut. This – along with two other Chicago skaters in the sin bin – allowed ARRG’s Dallis to capitalize and rack up 15 points. What was once a 28-26 nail biter at the 8:40 mark had now been upended into a 43-27 ARRG advantage sixty seconds later.

Then ARRG formed its own mafia and fitted the Outfit with “concrete shoes.” With 7:00 left in the half, the pink and black attack went on a 28-0 run. The Educator scored five and Boston followed with three. Dallis would then net another powerjam for ARRG, glide a 20-pointer and give the locals a 71-27 lead with 1:30 left.

The 47-9 ARRG sprint in the half’s final ten gave St. Louis’ best on quads a 75-30 halftime lead.

To its credit, the Syndicate came out firing to begin the second half. An 11-0 run closed the gap to 75-41 with 24:40 remaining.

But following the mini-rally, ARRG finally “whacked” its opposition. ARRG would go on a 24-0 run during the bout’s next five minutes. Punctuated by a pair of nine-pointers by Educator and Boston, ARRG built up a 99-41 with 19:00 left.

ARRG maintained its margin for the remainder of the bout and “finished the job” with Boston’s 10-pointer on the bout’s final jam.

ARRG outscored the Outfit 54-42 in the second half to pick up the 57-point win. Dallis paced ARRG with 45 points while Boston contributed 39. Shiner posted 23 while Educator collected 22.

The Outfit was led by Sutherland’s 25 points.

SAINT LUNACHIX 166   BREWCITY BATTLESTARS 85

After dropping their first bout of the season two weeks ago, the Saint Lunachix refocused in the Saturday night match-up against the Battlestars. Utilizing a four-jammer rotation, this Chix raced out to a 24-5 lead ten minutes in.

The Chix would go on an 11-0 run beginning at the 19:30 mark. Thanks to BeatN’Chix Kiddo‘s three-pointer and four-point tallies by Morgan LeFaetal and Munchausen By Foxy, the Lunachix pulled out to a 35-3 lead.

Foxy would post a 10-point powerjam at 12:10 to extend the Lunachix’s lead to 44-10.

As the first half progressed, the Lunachix went on a 27-0 run – punctuated by Foxy’s 15 point power-jam – to keep the momentum rolling. The locals sported an 83-23 lead at intermission.

Unfortunately for the Battlestars, the Chix slammed the door shut early in the second half. Foxy’s 19-pointer extended the lead to 102-23.

The Chix would outscore Brewcity 83-62 in the second half to pick up their sixth victory of the season.

Foxy led the Saint Lunachix with unofficially 60 points. Morgan LeFaetal contributed 29.

BREWHAHA SUNDAY

ARRG ALL-STARS 149    BURNING RIVER 87

Perhaps it was the euphoria still lingering from the night before, perhaps it was the lack of coffee. Regardless, the mid-morning bout against Burning River saw ARRG in an uncomfortable deficit early.

Thanks to multi-point strikes by CoCo Sparx and The Killastrator, Burning River built a 34-12 lead twelve minutes in.

During the bout’s next four jams, ARRG would chip away at the lead and whittle it down to four. Mighty Mighty Boston’s 15-pointer scored at the 12:30 mark shaved Burning River’s lead down to 42-38.

ARRG would eventually tie the score 48-48 on Boston’s five-pointer with 8:30 left in the half. The locals would then score 12 unanswered points. Thanks to Downtown Dallis’ eight and South City Shiner’s four, ARRG built a 60-48 with six minutes left in the first frame.

Another uncontested scoring surge extended ARRG’s lead down the stretch. Smarty McFly’s nine-pointer contributed to a 13-0 late-half run for the Gateway City, which had posted a 77-53 lead at intermission.

ARRG began the second half with a 22-0 run, extending the lead to 99-53 four minutes in.

The locals outscored Burning River 72-26 in the second half en route to the two-bout sweep at Brewhaha.

Boston paced ARRG with unofficially 60 points, while Dallis unofficially netted 25.

SAINT LUNACHIX 200   MRD TEAM UNICORN 92

A fast start was in the wheelhouse for the Chix. A 21-0 run for the locals in the first five minutes set the pace early.

The Forecloser would follow with seven and Munchausen by Foxy added five to give the Saint Lunachix a 33-5 lead at the 20:10 mark.

Team Unicorn – the developmental squad of the Mad Rollin’ Dolls – would chip away at the lead, narrowing the gap to 48-36 with ten minutes left in first half.

The Chix would then score 13 unanswered points. A pair of four pointers by Foxy and Forecloser extended the lead to 61-36 with six minutes left.

To end the first half, the Chix – to the dismay of those who believe in fairy tales – beat the living stuffing out of the Unicorns. Morgan LeFaetal’s 24-point monster jam propelled the Lunachix lead to 93-40 at intermission.

The onslaught continued in the second half. LeFaetal collected another 24-pointer at the 24:10 mark to extend the lead to 127-44.

Boom Boom Pow’s 20-pointer at 20:30 finished a 53-0 run for the Lunachix, who sported a 152-44 advantage.

The comfortable margin gave the Chix an opportunity to experiment as the half progressed, resulting in new faces jamming and scoring down the stretch.

Trippity Hooha scored a 10-pointer with under 2:00 left to maintain the triple-digit lead while ARRG rookie Rhino scored 13 on the bout’s final jam to help the Chix reach the 200-point mark

Six different skaters posted double-digit scoring for the Saint Lunachix. LeFaetal paced the Lunachix with 68 points. The Forecloser contributed 40 points while Foxy posted 32.

SCORES AND RECAPS FROM MIDWEST BREWHAHA 2011 are online at Derby News Network.

Next week in the ARRG Newsletter: The league gears up for the annual Susan B. Komen Race for the Cure. Info on how you can help TEAM ARRG.

The Grand Poobah and Hells LaBelle are bout announcers for the Arch Rival Roller Girls. Check back in this section on Mondays for the latest in ARRG News and information.

EXPLOSIVE SECOND HALF LEADS TO 78-POINT WIN!

by the Grand Poobah

(BALLWIN, MO) When the ARRG All-Stars’ 2011 season was revealed last December, little did anyone know at the time that the team’s first home bout of the season would have such heavy implications six months later.

Fast forward to May 14, the WFTDA-sanctioned match-up featured the two North Central teams positioned at #10 and #11 in the most recent regional rankings.

That alone provided plenty of intrigue. With only the top ten-ranked teams eligible for the region’s post-season tournament, both squads that engaged in battle at Queeny Park would lay claim that they should be the ones invited to “the dance” in Indianapolis come October.

In short, win this one and the chances become better. Not a guarantee, but the chances become better nonetheless.

In the end for the locals, home cookin’ had never tasted so good.

Propelled by an explosive second half, the tenth-ranked ARRG All-Stars defeated #11 Ohio 147-69 Saturday night at Midwest Sport Hockey in front of 700 fans.

“We had to win this game,” said ARRG co-captain The Educator of the victory. “If we did not win this, it would be really hard to get into regionals.”

Not impossible, but the journey to the post-season tourney in the Circle City would be met with a major obstacle. Likewise, for Ohio – winners of three straight and six overall – the goal of reaching its league’s first-ever tourney invite would also be hampered with a loss.

With the stakes as high as they were for both squads, the action in the first half was about as high-paced and drama-filled as any bout that had ever been played in St. Louis.

Both teams traded punches early on. ARRG’s South City Shiner scored two to start but was countered by Ohio’s Kitty Liquorbottom, whose three-pointer gave OHRG a 3-2 lead three minutes in.

ARRG’s Mighty Mighty Boston reciprocated with three of her own to give the locals a 5-3 edge. Thanks to Boston’s five-pointer at the 22:45 mark, ARRG sported a 12-4 advantage.

It was at this time that action literally “sped up,” as pack play progressed to breakneck speeds, which resulted in back and forth action.

OHRG capitalized on a 7-0 run. Thanks to HellionBOI’s four-pointer, Ohio whittled down the ARRG lead to 12-11 at the 19:30 mark.

Then ARRG would fire the first crunching blow of the evening. Jammer Downtown Dallis scored a 14-pointer to extend the lead to 26-11.

And it seemed that all was in control for the “pink and black attack,” but the scrappy bunch of visiting Buckeyes had other intentions in mind. And thanks to self-inflicted ARRG penalties, OHRG seized opportunities when presented.

Midway through the first half, after Boston had collected four with an ARRG lead jam, the All-Star rookie was sent off for cutting the track. Ohio capitalized on the miscue as Phoenix Bunz collected 14 non-lead points for OHRG, who had whittled the lead down to 30-25.

Two jams later with ARRG skaters in the sin bin, Liquorbottom scored nine for OHRG, who regained the lead 34-30 with 11:30 left.

Once again, both teams traded points as the half progressed. As Ohio sported a 40-35 edge with five minutes left in the first half, Boston scored five to tie the score 40-40.

OHRG’s Liquorbottom would score five and four respectively on the half’s final jams. The 9-0 run deep in the half gave Ohio a 49-40 lead at intermission.

“Part of the reason we were down at the half was because we had so many people in the (penalty) box,” said Shiner of the nine-point halftime deficit. “We knew we had to clean it up.”

“We learned that we had to play the game in the second half with our brains and not so much by throwing our bodies around,” added Dallis.

For ARRG, it was lessons learned and almost re-learned to start the second half.

Ohio scored six with the first two jams to extend the lead to 55-40, its largest advantage of the bout to that point.

And unfortunately for the Buckeyes its last, as ARRG cleaned up its play and conversely OHRG began to show signs of frustration.

ARRG would go a 19-0 run beginning at the 23:45 mark. Shiner would score a 15-point powerjam to tie the score. Dallis’ four-pointer followed and would give the locals its first lead in quite some time - 59-55 with 22:00 left.

OHRG’s HellionBOI would counter with four of her own on the next jam, which resulted in a 59-59 stalemate with 20:20 left.

ARRG would then explode for a 30-2 run in the bout’s next six minutes. Shiner’s fiver would be followed by Dallis’ 15-point powerjam. Boston added 10 on the next jam for ARRG, which now sported a 89-61 lead with 14:40 left.

Points became few and far between down the stretch for a fatigued and foul-proned Ohio – a squad who brought only eleven skaters to St. Louis. The lone scoring came in a pair of treys from Liqourbottom in the bout’s final fifteen.

Conversely, ARRG collected a pair of double-digit scores from Dallis and Boston. Dallis’ 19-point power jam with six minutes left gave ARRG a 137-66 edge.

ARRG outscored Ohio 107-20 in the second half en route to their third consecutive victory.

“We needed this win,” said Dallis, who lead ARRG scoring unofficially 61 points.  ”We needed this for our confidence. We needed this to figure out what works for us.”

Mighty Might Boston unofficially netted 46 for ARRG (3-1) while South City Shiner added 24. The locals continue their busy North Central schedule this weekend at the Midwest Brewhaha in Franklin WI. ARRG plays ninth-ranked Chicago Outift on Saturday and #15 Burning River on Sunday.

Kitty Liquorbottom would pace OHRG with 43 points. Phoenix Bunz collected 14 while HellionBOI added 12. Ohio (6-3) travels this Saturday to face Chicago Outfit and #13 Bleeding Heartland at the Midwest Brewhaha to keep their post-season dreams alive.

Most importantly for the locals, the victory Saturday proved that ARRG has now become a more pro-active team.

“We know that we can play our own game and not be a reactive team,” said Dallis. “We are playing our game now.”

UNOFFICIAL SCORING

ARRG – Downtown Dallis 61, Mighty Mighty Boston 46, South City Shiner 24, The Educator 5

OHIO – Kitty Liquorbottom 43, Pheonix Bunz 14, HellionBOI 12.

(Poobah’s note: I admit, without co-announcer Hells LaBelle’s fine skills in real-time mathematics, I have +/- margin of five points for ARRG’s scoring. Due to my lousy statistical keeping, I probably gave pivot Mayor Francis Slayer 10 points. Happy belated birthday, Mayor. You are the benefactor of my poor note-keeping!)

LUNACHIX TRANSFIXED BY SPRINGFIELD

In Saturday’s opener, the Springfield Roller Girls utilized a 36-0 first half run en route to a 215-103 win over the Saint Lunachix, ARRG’s developmental squad.

Springfield capitalized on Chix penalties to consistently net double-digit powerjams in the first half. Springfield’s AmTastic scored 21 and 16-point powerjams midway through to give the rollers from Greene County a comfortable advantage.

The Saint Lunachix found themselves down 122-33 at intermission. Despite 45-second half points scored by jammer Black Market Baby, the Lunachix were unable to cut into an overwhelming deficit.

Jammer Shotgun Shell paced Springfield with 95 points while AmTastic contributed 50.

For the Saint Lunachix, BMB’s 45 points scored was followed by Morgan LaFaetal’s 22. The Forecloser added 16 for the Chix, who drop to 5-1.

ARRG TEAMS MAKE TREK TO BREWHAHA THIS WEEKEND!

Both ARRG travel squads will take the trip up to the Badger State this weekend to participate in the two-day Midwest Brewhaha, held at the Milwaukee County Sports Complex in Franklin, WI.

The two-day event, hosted by the Brewcity Bruisers, features 23 bouts featuring both WFTDA-sanctioned and developmental teams from across the Midwest.

The ARRG All-Stars play a pair of important North Central region bouts against teams above and below their current ranking.

ARRG (3-1) faces #9 Chicago Outfit on Saturday, May 21 at 7:30 pm. The Gateway City’s finest on quads battle #15 Burning River on Sunday, May 22 at 10 am.

Meanwhile, ARRG’s Saint Lunachix meets the Brewcity Bruiser Battlestars on Saturday, May 21 at 5 pm and the Mad Rollin’ Dolls Team Unicorn Sunday, May 22 at 12:30 pm.

Last year’s Brewhaha provided one of the few bright spots for ARRG in 2010. The team picked up victories over Tampa Bay and Burning River at the inaugural event.

This will be the first trip to Franklin for the Saint Lunachix, who look to get back onto the winning track after suffering their first loss of 2011 on Saturday.

Here’s a look at who the ARRG All-Stars face this weekend.

THE CHICAGO OUTFIT

The Chicago Outfit (3-1) is making some commotion within the region in a relatively short amount of time.

The Outfit is coming off of a 128-56 win over North Central’s unranked Tri-City Saturday to pick up their third victory of 2011.

After starting the calendar year with a 138-89 win in late-March over #13 Bleeding Heartland, the Outfit fell to the third-ranked Detroit Derby Girls 145-102 the following weekend.

The group reloaded and dismantled North Central #7 North Star 202-81 on April 30.

Jammer Sweet Mary Pain is the go-to jammer for the Outfit. She scored 87 against North Star. Also look for offense from spell-check unfriendly Queefer Sutherland and Lola Blow.

The Outfit made its inaugural splash into the North Central top ten earlier in the year. They have no intentions of leaving it anytime soon.

BURNING RIVER ROLLER GIRLS

Burning River (1-3) is looking to gain revenge over ARRG, who topped Cleveland’s best 161-57 at Midwest Brewhaha 2010.

Burning River have been handed losses by North Central rivals Ohio, Bleeding Heartland and Ft. Wayne in 2011.

However, the squad does come into Brewhaha 2011 with momentum on its side. Burning River blasted North Central rival NEO Roller Derby 249-45 in April.

CoCo Sparx and Finnish-Her leads the scoring offensively for BRRG.

Prior to the Sunday ARRG match-up, Burning River faces #19 Hammer City and should – on paper, at least – emerge from their “Day One” bout with a win.

This is a team that has never won a bout at Brewhaha. A 2-0 record in Wisconsin this weekend will not only even out their 2011 record, but in the process, shake things within the North Central region.

(Poobah’s note: I also predict an off-track battle of electronic decibels between ARRG superfan US Marshall’s megaphone and Burning River announcer Kent the Politician, who carries his own bullhorn.)

NEXT WEEK IN THE ARRG NEWSCENTER: We’ll see how the ARRG travel teams fared at Brewhaha! Recaps from all four ARRG bouts.

The Grand Poobah and Hells LaBelle are bout announcers for the Arch Rival Roller Girls. Check back in this section on Mondays for the latest in ARRG news and information.