PLUS, ALL-STARS PUMMEL DUTCHLAND AT SPRING ROLL

by Muckety Muck, ARRG Bout Co-Announcer – Photos by Bob Dunnell

(INDIANAPOLIS, IN) In a city that’s synonymous with fast-moving, wheeled objects moving in counter-clockwise fashion, the hostesses lapped St. Louis squads on Saturday and took home the checkered flag.

The travel teams of the Arch Rival Roller Girls dropped two bouts to the Naptown Roller Girls at the Indiana Convention Center in front of 1,300.

In the main event, the Naptown Tornado Sirens, ranked nineteenth in the WFTDA, overpowered #13 Arch Rival 167-108 in sanctioned action. Meanwhile in the b-team undercard, a late-sprint off of penalties helped the Naptown Warning Belles notch a 204-154 over ARRG’s Saint Lunachix.

The pair of setbacks dropped the respective records of the ARRG All-Stars and the Lunachix to 5-2.

#19 NAPTOWN 167   #13 ARCH RIVAL  108

Naptown’s 59-point trip to the winner’s circle over ARRG’s A-team boosted its sanctioned bout record to 5-0.

“I would have loved to have won by more,” said Naptown jammer Maiden America after the triumph. “I don’t care if we’re up by 15 points or if we’re up by 150 points, we want to win by more, no matter what we’re up against. It was nice that we won over a team that was ranked higher (in the WFTDA) than us. I’ll take it as a win and it will ultimately improve our ranking.”

The task was not easy as Arch Rival was game from the onset and provided plenty of hassles in the first period. Following a bout-opening trey from America, a 2-1 jam from Pushy Cat stretched Naptown’s lead to 5-1.

Then following a scoreless jam, ARRG’s Mighty Mighty Boston notched a five-pointer, resulting in a 6-5 scoreboard flip for St. Louis four minutes deep. South City Shiner added three on the next rotation to stretch the ARRG margin to 9-5 with 24:20 left in the period.

After Pushy Cat posted four to tie the score at 9-9, Arch Rival’s May Require Stitches reciprocated with four that gave St. Louis a 13-9 lead at the 21:50 mark.

Naptown surged on the next rotation as America collected a natural 14-pointer that gave the Tornado Sirens a 23-13 lead with 20:10 left in the period.

In jam nine, Arch Rival regained the lead after Pushy Cat was sent off for a track cut. A 15-point power jam for Shiner ensued and the visitors regained the advantage, 28-23 with 18:40 left in the period.

Naptown posted back-to-back four pointers from G-Rocket and America that resulted in the bout’s fourth lead change and a 31-28 advantage.

The tension, and the impact hits, was perpetually building. ARRG’s blocking schema of Stitches, Mayor Francis Slayer, Chewblocka, Science Friction, Grave Danger, The Educator, Shimmy Hoffa and Smarty McFly went toe-stop-to-toe-stop with Circle City’s finest.

A 0-0 stalemate in jam 12 was followed by a five-pointer from Arch Rival’s Brickyard. Another strike, another lead change. ARRG sported a 33-31 edge with 13:55 left.

Naptown responded with a methodical 17-0 rally spread across the next five jams. A lead-changing trey from America was followed by five from G-Rocket scored at 11:40 that extended the NRG lead to 39-33. A solo point from America was followed by a pair of four-pointers from Willa Hoeflinch and G-Rocket. The conclusion of the 17-point uncontested run gave Indianapolis a 48-33 lead with 8:50 left in the period.

A 7-2 strike for America in jam 19 pushed the Naptown lead to 55-35. The Tornado Sirens widened the gap to 73-35 following G-Rocket’s 18-pointer with 4:00 left in the first.

Arch Rival countered with a 23-0 rally in the waning stages of the frame thanks to Naptown penalties. A Pushy Cat track cut led to an 18-point power jam for Brickyard in the period’s penultimate jam. Boston’s five on the final rotation to whittled Naptown’s margin to 73-58 at intermission.

Boston’s second-period 4-0 launch for ARRG made the bout a nine-point affair, 73-62. The Tornado Sirens countered with a 20-0 run on the next two jams. Hoeflinch scored a 15-point power jam and America tacked a five-pointer that widened the Naptown lead to 93-62 with 25:30 remaining in the bout. A 9-9 push over the next two jams put the score at 102-71.

The Tornado Sirens posted a 28-0 rally over the next five jams to create comfort. Four from Hoeflinch was followed by a 7-0 jam from G-Rocket that extended Naptown’s lead to 113-71 with 18:30 left. America posted 10 points on the next rotation to widen the gap to 123-71.

Meanwhile Naptown’s blocking schema – paced by Asian Sinsation, Dora the Destroyer, R.I.P. Tide, Cereal Killer and a host of others – put the clamp down on any Arch Rival comeback. In the process, Hoeflinch and G-Rocket added four and three, respectively, to conclude the 28-point uncontested steak and push Naptown’s lead to 130-71 with 14:30 left.

Arch Rival tried to chip away at the deficit as the period progressed but kept finding itself stymied by Naptown’s solid defense. The Tornado Sirens put the nail in the coffin with Pushy Cat’s natural 24-pointer scored with 6:00 left that widened the lead to 165-83.

Despite a late ARRG surge that tightened the final differential, the Tornado Sirens outscored Arch Rival 94-50 in the second period to earn the 167-108 win over the squad that currently sits six positions higher in the WFTDA hierarchy.

“I think it was the teamwork,” said Naptown’s Sinsation of the win. “Arch Rival is an insanely strong team. They’re very fast on their feet, so we knew we just had to stay together.”

G-Rocket led the Tornado Sirens’ scoring ledger with 47 points.

Arch Rival, who dropped to 5-2 with the setback, was paced by Brickyard’s 33 points. Naptown chose Boston and Stitches as “MVP Jammer” and “MVP Blocker,” respectively.

UNOFFICIAL SCORING

NAPTOWN TORNADO SIRENS (167): G-Rocket 47, Pushy Cat 39, Maiden America 37, Willa Hoeflinch 34.

ARCH RIVAL ALL-STARS (108): Brickyard 33, Mighty Mighty Boston 30, South City Shiner 28, May Require Stitches 13, Smarty McFly 4.

NRG WARNING BELLES   204    ARRG SAINT LUNACHIX   154

The final differential of the b-team undercard replicated the main event, yet both teams were neck-and-neck down the stretch. A sprint by the Warning Belles late in the second period was pivotal in the 50-point win.

Lunachix jammer EnYa Nightmare began the bout with a 5-0 jam. Naptown’s Traumalina countered with a nine-point strike that gave the Warning Belles a 9-5 edge. A 3-2 jam for Honey Badger stretched the Naptown lead to 12-7 with 26:40 left in the period.

Nightmare posted a trey at 25:33 to make the bout a two-point affair, 12-10.

The Warning Belles went on a 17-0 roll with four consecutive lead jams. Eve Anne Hellical started with a nine-point strike for Naptown, extending the lead to 21-10. Then after Traumalina tacked on two, Badger added four, and Itsy Gitsi tacked on a pair of points to finish the run and extend the Naptown advantage to 29-10 with 20:45 left in the period.

Killer Painguin stopped the Chix drought by scoring seven at 20:00 to whittle the deficit to a dozen points, 29-17.

An 8-8 push on jam 10 raised the score to 37-25 in favor of Naptown.

Following Pink Diamond’s solo point at 17:40, the Warning Belles scored 20 straight. Gitsi posted eight to stretch the lead to 45-26. Hellical added 10 in jam 13 to widen the margin to 55-26. Traumalina added a pair of non-lead points with 12:00 left in the period to run the Warning Belles’ lead to 57-26.

The Lunachix powered its way back into contention with a 29-0 rally. The St. Louis blocking schema, led by Morgan LeFaetal, The Siege, The Ginger Assassin, Ginny Beastly, Megalodominator,Sp!ce Rack, Hydrogen Bombshell and a host of others, spearheaded the charge. By capitalizing on Honey Badger’s track cut penalty, Diamond shined a 14-point power jam and pulled ARRG to 57-40 with 10:58 left in the period. Nightmare added eight on the next rotation to narrow the gap to 57-48.

After a scoreless stalemate on jam 17, the Chix gained another power jam. The tandem of Diamond and Nightmare notched five and four points, respectively. The 9-0 power jam combo finished the 29-point Lunachix rally and tied the score, 57-57 with 6:03 left in the frame.

The tie was broken after a scoreless jam as Diamond collected a 4-3 non-lead strike with 4:15 left in the period that gave ARRG a 61-60 advantage. Badger scored four for the Belles on the next jam to flip the scoreboard back in favor of Naptown, 64-61. Bitsi added a 4-2 strike with 2:10 left to widen the lead to 68-63.

On the period’s penultimate jam, Pink Diamond snatched a five-pointer for the Lunachix, resulting in another tie, 68-68 with 1:00 left on the period clock.

Nightmare’s solo point for the Chix concluded first half play and ARRG held a 69-68 edge at intermission.

Naptown’s Traumalina started the second period with a four-pointer that gave the Belles’ a 72-69 lead.

The Lunachix then rolled 15 points straight. Diamond’s power jam netted 10 and Painguin followed with five to give ARRG an 84-72 advantage with 26:40 left.

Once again, tables overturned in jam four, which resulted in another lead change. Gitsi gotsi 27-pointsi via a power jamski. The 27-3 momentum shifter gave Naptown a 97-87 lead with 24:00 remaining.

A 9-8 power jam for ARRG on the next rotation narrowed the margin to 105-96. Back-to-back four-pointers from Traumalina and Badger extended the Naptown lead to 17 points, 113-96 with 19:45 left.

In jam eight, Badger gained lead jammer for Naptown and scored three, but then was sent to the box for a track cut. With the non-lead power jam, Diamond posted 20…and viola!…the bout was tied 116-116 with 16:55 left.

Painguin posted a trey on the next rotation to push the Lunachix lead to 119-116. After Badger’s solo tally narrowed the bout to two points, Gitsi followed with a four-point jam for Naptown, resulting in the bout’s ninth lead change and a 121-119 edge for the Warning Belles with 14:08 left in regulation.

An 11-3 run for Naptown over the next four extended the Belles’ lead to 132-122 with 10 minutes left.

The Warning Belles then capitalized on ARRG penalties and posted a 57-5 rally over the next four jams to pull away. Anchored by a pair of Traumalina power jams that netted 20 and 25 points, respectively, Naptown stretched the lead to 189-127 with 2:30 remaining.

The Warning Belles outscored the Lunachix 132-85 in the second period to pick up the 204-154 victory and improve to 6-3. Traumalina paced the Warning Belles with 96 points.

The Lunachix, who dropped to 5-2 with the loss, was led by Diamond’s 83 points. Naptown selected Nightmare and The Siege as “MVP Jammer” and “MVP Blocker,” respectively. The Lunachix play next at Midwest Brewhaha 2013 in Milwaukee, WI in two weeks.

UNOFFICIAL SCORING

NRG WARNING BELLES (204): Traumalina 96, Itsy Gitsi 46, Eve Anne Hellical 35, Honey Badger 39, Eve Anne Hellical 35

ARRG SAINT LUNACHIX (154): Pink Diamond 83, EnYa Nightmare 52, Killer Painguin 17, Molecular Mayhem 2

At halftime of the b-team bout, Saint Lunachix skater Stray Touhell received a special surprise from members of her family at trackside. Touhell had missed her commencement ceremony from a St. Louis university earlier in the day in order to travel with the Saint Lunachix to Indianapolis.

Think about that for a second. Bypassing an academic achievement in order to participate in something that one holds true to their heart.

Some people would have stayed at home and took the walk in order to grab the sheepskin, but not Touhell. She didn’t give it a second thought. She wanted to compete with her team.

In what could be best described, in ARRG Newscenter speak, as a “pretty damn cool moment,” Touhell’s family presented her with a special display congratulating her on receiving her undergraduate degree.

Touhell’s teammates and the 1,300 at the Indiana Convention Center deservedly gave the skater a rousing ovation.

Congratulations Touhell on your graduation and thank you for your personal sacrifice in order to support the league!

ALL-STARS FLATTEN DUTCHLAND ON SUNDAY!

by Muckety Muck – Story constructed from online footage from Hinckley Productions

(FT. WAYNE, IN)  Immediately following the setback by the ARRG All-Stars at Naptown, the team immediately carpooled up I-69 North to Fort Wayne to participate in the 2013 Spring Roll Invitational at the Allen County War Memorial Coliseum.

A two-hour commute to reflect on what went right and wrong earlier in the evening. One had a feeling that when the All-Stars faced Dutchland – ranked #43 in the current WFTDA rankings – the next day, that some pent-up frustration may be unleashed.

Oh boy, was it ever!

The ARRG All-Stars flattened Dutchland 386-53 to improve its record to 6-2. Three ARRG skaters scored triple-digits in the 333-point win.

Arch Rival went on a 27-0 rally in the first three jams to begin the onslaught. After Mighty Mighty Boston collected a nine-point bout opening jam, South City Shiner tacked on four to make the score 13-0. Brickyard scored 14 on the third jam to give ARRG a 27-0 lead with 25:55 left in the first period.

A 6-2 jam by Boston in jam four stretched the lead to 33-2 with 24:45 left in the frame.

ARRG then went on a 55-0 run over the next 10 minutes. Highlighted by a 24-point power jam by Boston at 19:50, Arch Rival pulled ahead 88-2 with 14:50 left in the period.

Dutchland made waves in jam 12 by capitalizing on a non-lead power jam. Jammer Russian Bayou notched a 20-pointer and whittled the deficit to 88-22 with 13:00 left in the period.

Then Arch Rival said “no more”…..literally. They did not allow a single Dutchland point for the remainder of the half. It culminated in a 95-0 period-ending rally. Blockers May Require Stitches, Science Friction, Mayor Francis Slayer, Grave Danger, Shimmy Hoffa, Chewblocka, Smarty McFly, The Educator and a host of others gave little to no breathing room for the jammers and blockers from Lancaster , PA.

Boston notched a 10-point power jam at 11:50 to extend the ARRG lead to 98-22. Shiner followed with a 30-point mega jam on the next rotation to push the lead to 128-22.

Meanwhile, the ARRG blocking schema maintained complete control. At halftime, Arch Rival had a 183-22 lead.

Boston kept the momentum rolling with a 25-point power jam with the second period’s opening jam to widen the lead to 208-22.

The beatdown continued as the period progressed. By the time Dutchland scored its next set of points – a two-pointer – with 23:30 left in the period, ARRG had already completed a 150-0 run.

Yeah, a jaw-dropping 150-0 run. It was that kind of a bout. ARRG had a 238-24 lead that sent some to the concession stand for a hot pretzel.

The Arch Rival offense remained hot for the remainder of the bout. Brickyard scored a 35-pointer with 10:10 left extended the lead to 315-45. A 23-pointer from Shiner with 5:45 left pushed the margin to 362-45.

Arch Rival outscored Dutchland 203-31 in the second period to pick up the win and improve to 6-2. Shiner paced ARRG with a personal best of 131 points. Brickyard and Boston added 117 and 105 points, respectively.

UNOFFICIAL SCORING

ARRG ALL-STARS (386): South City Shiner 131, Brickyard 117, Mighty Mighty Boston 105, Smart McFly 33.

NEXT WEEK IN THE NEWSCENTER: There’s a one-week respite for the league due to the Memorial Day holiday weekend, but then arguably the busiest weekend for the league occurs one week later. The ARRG All-Stars and the Lunachix compete at a high-tiered event in Milwaukee. The All-Stars compete in two bouts, one of them against a highly-ranked familiar foe from Motown. The Saint Lunachix have three games on the docket, including a first-time meeting with a hard-charging legacy b-team from Chicago. The stakes are high in a whirlwind weekend. We’ll have a preview of all of the ARRG bouts and peek at some of the other high-caliber battles. Next week, it’s our look at Midwest Brewhaha 2013!

Muckety Muck and Magilla Guerilla are bout co-announcers for the Arch Rival Roller Girls. Check back in this section on Mondays for the latest in ARRG news and information.

ALL-STARS & LUNACHIX BOTH IMPROVE TO 5-1 WITH WINS!

By Muckety Muck, ARRG Bout Co-Announcer – Story constructed via online footage provided by Bleeding Heartland Roller Girls – Photos by Bob Dunnell

(BLOOMINGTON, IN) The primary travel squads of the Arch Rival Roller Girls posted victories over the teams of the Bleeding Heartland Roller Girls Saturday night at Cardiac Arena in Bloomington.

In the main event, the ARRG All-Stars utilized a late sprint to overtake the BHRG Flatliners 251-189. In the b-team undercard, ARRG’s Saint Lunachix surged in the  second period  en route to a 237-130 victory over BHRG’s Code Blue Assassins.

With the sweep, both ARRG travel squads improved to 5-1 on the season.

By no means was either victory easy. In fact, one could argue that blood pressures were raised throughout the evening with the topsy-turvy action on the flat track.

#13 ARRG ALL-STARS 251   #41 BHRG FLATLINERS  189

After posting an impressive win over WFTDA #23 Ohio the week prior, Arch Rival felt confident heading into Saturday’s sanctioned bout against the 6-5 team that was struggling to find footing in the WFTDA rankings hierarchy.

The confidence exuded was evident in the first ten minutes of play as Arch Rival began with a 64-0 run.

Following a scoreless bout-opening jam, ARRG’s South City Shiner posted 24 points to give the locals an early advantage. All-Star addition Brickyard added ten on the next rotation to stretch the margin to 34-0. Mighty Mighty Boston followed with a 14-point score with 24:00 left in the period to widen the gap to 48-0. Then after a four-point tally by Shiner, Brickyard tacked on another dozen at 20:20 to conclude the opening rally and give the visitors a 64-0 lead.

All seemed well, but then the ARRG momentum went into what could be best described as a “cardiac arrest” and penalties overwhelmingly ensued. As a result, Bleeding Heartland capitalized, resulting in a mind-numbing, and lead-changing, 85-0 surge over the next twelve minutes.

It began with Nuck L. Sammie’s power jam that netted 15 points. Back-to-back four-pointers from BHRG’s Kaka Caliente and Terror D’ Bits whittled the ARRG lead to 64-23 with 16:45 left in the period.

Another power jam for Sammie resulted in a blistering 25 points on the next rotation, narrowing the gap to 64-48. Caliente tacked on nine in the eleventh jam, drawing the Flatliners to 64-57. Another ARRG jammer track cut gave the host squad another power jam. D’ Bits scored 18…and poof…the early 64-point Arch Rival lead was erased…and then some! The Flatliners now possessed a 75-64 lead with 10:40 left in the period.

Sammie tacked on an additional 10-pointer on the next rotation to stretch the BHRG lead to 85-64 with 9:40 left.

Arch Rival chipped away at the BHRG lead as the period continued. Brickyard notched a 10-0 jam at 6:40 to pull the visitors to 85-74. Boston followed with a trey to narrow the gap to eight points, 85-77.

A 10-2 run for Bleeding Heartland over the next three jams provided a little breathing room. Following D’ Bits’ three-point strike on the period’s penultimate jam, the Flatliners maintained a 95-79 lead with 2:00 left.

ARRG regained the lead during the period’s final rotation, thanks to BHRG penalties. Via a power jam, Shiner collected a dizzying 25 points that helped St. Louis sport a 104-95 lead at intermission.

The nine-point buffer at the break was immediately broken with the first jam of the second period. Via a power jam, Caliente notched a 19-pointer that gave the Flatliners a 114-104 lead.

Arch Rival responded with a 28-0 run. Following a trey from Brickyard, Boston scored 25 via a power jam, resulting a 132-114 lead change for ARRG with 23:40 left in the bout.

In jam five, Shiner gained lead jammer for ARRG and scored seven, but then was sent off for a track cut. BHRG’s Caliente scored a non-lead 15-pointer with the power jam, whittling ARRG’s lead to 139-129 with 20:45 left.

The Flatliners’ Sammie then scored four on the next rotation to narrow the gap to 139-133 with 20:10 left. Then following an extended officials’ time out, a scoreboard re-adjustment added an additional 10 points to the column of Bleeding Heartland, resulting in another lead change and a 143-139 lead for the Flatliners.

Arch Rival’s Brickyard scored four on the next jam, which continued the trend of back-and-forth action, which now showed the scoreboard illuminating a 143-143 tie.

ARRG pivot May Require Stitches, in her first jam of the evening, notched a 4-2 jam with 17:45 left that broke the stalemate and gave Arch Rival a 147-145 lead. BHRG’s Sammie collected five with 16:55 left to regain the lead for the Flatliners, 150-147.

Arch Rival then posted a 52-0 rally over the next four jams to retake the lead and pull ahead. After Shiner posted 14 that resulted in a 161-150 lead change for Arch Rival, Brickyard collected a 30-point power jam with 12:15 left that widened the margin to 191-150.

Boston collected four non-lead points on the next rotation to stretch the lead to 195-150 and Shiner added another four to finish the rally and extend ARRG’s lead to 199-150 with ten minutes left in regulation.

The Flatliners found a pulse down the stretch and posted 33 points straight. Back-to-back power jams for D’ Bits and Caliente netted 19 and 14 points, respectively, and narrowed the ARRG lead to 199-183 with 6:20 left in the bout.

ARRG saved its best for last which “mainlined” the Flatliners. Paced by the blocking of the aforementioned Stitches, Chewblocka, Rhino-Might, Mayor Francis Slayer, Grave Danger, Science Friction, Shimmy Hoffa and a host of others, Arch Rival concluded the bout with a 52-6 run. Punctuated by a 30-point power jam by Boston scored with 4:00 left, ARRG widened the differential and posted a 251-189 nail-biting victory over Bleeding Heartland to net its third consecutive win.

UNOFFICIAL SCORING

ARCH RIVAL ALL-STARS (251): South City Shiner 92, Brickyard 79, Mighty Mighty Boston 76, May Require Stitches 4

BLEEDING HEARTLAND FLATLINERS (189): Nuck L. Sammie 76, Kaka Caliente 67, Terror D’ Bits 46.

ARRG SAINT LUNACHIX  237  BHRG CODE BLUE ASSASSINS 130

Although the winning differential was substantially larger than their A-team sistren, the Saint Lunachix definitely had its hand full with the scrappy Code Blue Assassins.

The Chix took an 19-0 lead after the first two jams with nine scored from EnYa Nightmare, followed by ten from Shear-Ra Powers.

The CBAs responded with a 8-0 jam from Knitty Gritty to narrow the Chix lead to 19-8 with 24:45 left in the first half.

ARRG’s Molecular Mayhem responded with 19 points on a power jam on the next rotation that extended the Chix lead to 38-8.

BHRG’s Bipolar Curves scored a baker’s dozen in jam five that whittled the Chix lead to 38-21 with 20:05 left in the period.

The Lunachix stretched the lead to 63-28 midway through the frame. BHRG’s Dare E. Eryn scored a 12-0 jam with 11:40 left to pull the CBAs to 64-30.

ARRG’s Powers added nine and Killer Painguin posted three over the next two rotations to extend the Chix lead to 75-40 with 8:40 left in the period.

The CBAs chomped into the lead as the minutes waned. BHRG’s Curves scored a 14-point power jam with 5:00 left in the period to narrow the Lunachix lead to 76-56.

Then after a 3-3 push in the next rotation to make the score 79-56, the CBAs’ Goldilock Stock n’ Barrel netted 15 via a power jam to close the gap to 79-74 with 1:25 remaining in the frame.

The Lunachix responded with a 20-point power jam from Mayhem to give the visitors a 99-74 advantage at intermission.

BHRG’s Dare E. Eryn scored four on the second half’s opening jam to cut the gap to 99-78.

The Lunachix then exploded offensively and posted 73 straight points over the next four jams. Powers began the surge with a 15-point power jam that extended the Chix lead to 114-78 with 27:30 left. Penguin followed with a natural 14-pointer that pushed the margin to 128-78. Mayhem added 20 points in jam four that extended the margin to 148-78. Nightmare concluded the 73-0 rally with a 24-point power jam that gave the Lunachix a 172-78 lead with 21:00 left in the bout.

The Chix continued to pour on the points in the second half by capitalizing on CBA penalties. Painguin’s 19-pointer scored with 16:15 left pushed the score to 192-96.

Mayhem’s nine-pointer on the next rotation gave the Chix a triple-digit lead, a 201-96 advantage with 14:10 left in bout.

The differential would be maintained for the remainder of the bout, thanks to the solid work of blockers Party Foul, Pink Diamond, The Siege, Deathica Steele, Morgan LeFaetal, The Ginger Assassin, Hydrogen Bombshell, Megalodominator, Sp!ce Rack and Professor Rumbledore.

The Saint Lunachix outscored the Code Blue Assassins in the second period 138-56 to pick up the 237-130 win and improve to 5-1 on the season.

UNOFFICIAL SCORING

ARRG SAINT LUNACHIX (237): Molecular Mayhem 94, EnYa Nightmare 55, Shear-Ra Powers 50, Killer Painguin 43.

BHRG CODE BLUE ASSASSINS (130): Bipolar Curves 24, Dare E. Eryn 24, Biscuit Cutter 21, Goldilock Stock n’ Barrel 19, Mae Kim Hurl 18, Knitty Gritty 18, Uh Huh Hurricane 3.

ARRG TRAVEL SQUADS HEAD TO NAPTOWN THIS SATURDAY!

The travel teams of the Arch Rival Roller Girls continue a busy month of May with a trip to Indianapolis this Saturday to face the primary squads of the Naptown Roller Girls.

The ARRG All-Stars engage in battle against the Naptown Tornado Sirens (5-1). ARRG’s Saint Lunachix face NRG’s Warning Belles (5-3) in the b-team opener.

The double header, entitled “Naptown 500!” takes place at the Indiana Convention Center. For those travelling to Indy, the event begins at 6 pm Eastern/5 pm Central.

(Muckety Memo: As of presstime, LIVE webstream coverage the event will be available free of charge, courtesy of NRG. Check the NRG website RIGHT HERE later in the week for more details.)

For the second time this season, the ARRG All-Stars will be facing a squad that advanced to the WFTDA Championships last Fall.

It’s an opponent that the locals know very well. Arch Rival netted its biggest victory to date historically with a 115-99 upset win over Naptown last August at Midwest Sport Hockey.

The situation is different this time as ARRG is back in Indy’s backyard at an intimidating venue that holds up to 3,000 derby fanatics.

But forget the venue for a moment…it’s the opponent that’s more intimidating.

The Naptown Tornado Sirens – currently ranked #16 in the WFTDA – advanced to the 2012 tourney for the Hydra Cup by finishing third at last September’s North Central region playoff. After defeating Atlanta in the opening round, Naptown was eliminated in round two following a loss to Gotham.

This season, the Tornado Sirens (4-0 in WFTDA sanctioned play) have notched up impressive wins that are synonymous with a top-tier league. NRG topped Bleeding Heartland (211-85), Toronto (239-143), Detroit (140-104) and Burning River (298-29) to start its sanctioned play undefeated.

The squad also split a pair of non-sanctioned bouts against Cincinnati (a 254-107 win) and Windy City (a 207-125 loss), which do not apply to the new mathematically-calculated WFTDA rankings method.

However one calculates the math, the most important number for Naptown is “14,” as in the amount of skilled veterans on the roster.

There’s a lot of depth in the NRG jamming rotation, paced longtime vets Amooze Booche, Majestic, Maiden America and Blue Messiah. G-Rocket, Trauma-line and R.I.P. Tide also don the star panty on occasion.

Anchoring the offense are top-tier blockers, including veterans Cereal Killer, Asian Sinsation and Rachael Tension.

In short, it’s the same familiar faces that the ARRG All-Stars saw last year. One has to believe that Naptown is not too happy with sitting three spots behind St. Louis in the current WFTDA rankings. They’ll be looking to score a big win to climb the rankings ladder.

In the undercard, the Saint Lunachix face a familiar foe as well in the Naptown Warning Belles. Last season, the Chix fell to the Belles 150-93.

A few modifications in personnel will see a somewhat different Lunachix line-up than the one that played at Bleeding Heartland last week. The Lunachix roster for the bout include: Morgan LeFaetal, The Ginger Assassin, Ginny Beastly, Molecular Mayhem, Megalodimnator, EnYa Nightmare, Killer Painguin, Pink Diamond, Professor Rumbledore, The Siege, Shacgyver, Sly Davinita, Spice, Stray Touhell, Cloak N’ DragHer and Party Rockher.

They’ll have to be at their best against a squad that is currently in its most-productive schedule in franchise history.

NRG’s Warning Belles (5-3) won gold at the “B-Cup Challenge” in February with victories over the b-squad of Nashville, Detroit and Charm City. A season-opening shearing of the Cincinnati Violent Lambs (313-62) and other victory over Detroit (269-59) are also on the winning side of the ledger.

The Belles have fallen twice to the A-squad of Demolition City and to Windy City’s Second Wind (173-98), resulting in its current “two bouts above .500 mark.”

Skaters to watch for in the Warning Belles line-up include Willa Hoeflinch, Pushy Cat, Honey Badger, Mutant Jean, Haterade and Lethal Vixen.

Although both squads competed at February’s “B-Cup Challenge” in Bloomington, they did not meet each other at the round robin. And as with the case in b-team match-ups, roster juggling makes it hard to predict a favorite.

The travel squads of ARRG will have their hands full at the “Naptown 500!” this Saturday in Indianapolis. They both hope to take home the “checkered flag.”

ALL-STARS TREK CONTINUES SUNDAY AT SPRING ROLL

Whether they win or lose Saturday in Indianapolis, the ARRG All-Stars will have to gear up the next day and continue its tour of the state by travelling up North to Fort Wayne to compete at Spring Roll 2013.

Arch Rival will face the Dutchland Derby Rollers (WFTDA #43) Sunday at 6 pm Eastern/5 pm Central.

(Muckety Memo: The ARRG bout will have LIVE webstream coverage, free of charge. Go to THIS LINK RIGHT HERE for the complete schedule of the event. ARRG’s “brothers in derby,” the St. Louis GateKeepers are competing in three bouts during the event.)

Spring Roll, held at the Allen County War Memorial Coliseum is a three-day invitational that will see men’s, women’s and junior derby bouts held on two tracks within the facility.

ARRG’s bout against Dutchland will be the inaugural showdown between the two squads.

The Dutchland Derby Rollers (2-2) qualified for the 2012 WFTDA East region playoff and finished tenth. They have wins over WFTDA #78 Dominion (197-176) and #84 Cape Fear (208-71). Their two setbacks were against # 75 River City (206-92) and #56 Burning River (249-151).

Currently on the bubble for the WFTDA 2013 post-season, Dutchland needs a win over Arch Rival or at least keep close in defeat. Because of the parity of the leagues currently sitting #35 through #45, combined with loss to Burning River, a lopsided loss to ARRG might potentially leave them out of reach for a playoff bid.

Meanwhile, the Arch Rival All-Stars want to finish the weekend on a high note heading into Midwest Brewhaha in late-May.

A dominant win at Spring Roll over Dutchland will most certainly provide fuel to feed the fire.

NEXT WEEK IN THE ARRG NEWSCENTER: We will see how the Hoosier State trek turned out. We’ll have Full road trip coverage with complete bout recaps of Saturday’s double header with Naptown and Sunday’s All-Star tilt vs. Dutchland at Spring Roll!

Muckety Muck and Magilla Guerilla are bout co-announcers for the Arch Rival Roller Girls. Check back in this section on Mondays for the latest in ARRG news and information.

ALL-STARS & LUNACHIX IMPRESSIVE IN SWEEP!

by Muckety Muck, ARRG Bout Co-Announcer – Photos by Bob Dunnell

(BALLWIN, MO) Mere hours after the 139^th Kentucky Derby had concluded at Churchill Downs, the travel squads of the Arch Rival Roller Girls brought their own brand of derby to the flat-track at Midwest Sport Hockey.

In Saturday’s two-bout sweep against the teams of the Ohio Rollergirls, ARRG collectively went to the winner’s circle.

In the main event, the Arch Rival All-Stars, ranked #13 internationally by the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association, topped #23 Ohio 179-108. In the b-team undercard, ARRG’s Saint Lunachix thumped Ohio’s Gang Green 242-70.

With the wins, each ARRG squad improved to 4-1 on the season.

Taking victories in the double header was impressive enough. How each squad did it was even more so.

For the 450 derby fans in attendance, it felt like hitting an exacta and heading to the pay window.

#13 ARCH RIVAL 179    #23 OHIO 108

Every bout that the ARRG All-Stars have had so far in 2013 always contains plenty of intrigue and drama prior to the first whistle. Sometimes, it’s a direct result of the pre-bout status of the locals. Conversely, it’s sometimes based upon the skill set of the opposition.

In Saturday’s bout, it was both…cranked up to an all-new level.

For starters, ARRG was facing a squad that already had twice as many games in hand prior to Saturday. Ohio had eight completed bouts on the ledger, which included seven dominant wins, compared to St. Louis’ four.

In addition, ARRG’s talented opponents were riding the momentum of the prior season, which saw them set a new WFTDA benchmark for most sanctioned wins in a regular season and ultimately finish fourth at last September’s North Central region playoff. A pair of wins in the Ohio 2012 campaign was over Arch Rival.

Most importantly, Arch Rival was working with a shortened bench that saw two glaring holes pre-bout. The non-injury absences of jammers Black Market Baby and Brickyard made some wonder how the ARRG braintrust would be able to fill the gaps and which blockers would inevitably don the “star panty.”

By taking a normal blocker out of the pack configuration, this meant that the workload would increase for all involved. That’s not easy against the hard-hitting, multi-positional athletes that Ohio has on the roster.

In short, if Arch Rival wanted to net the “W” over the Buckeyes, it arguably had to play its best bout this season…if not ever.

And they did.

The 71-point win proved that the squad can achieve, even if the deck was stacked against them on paper pre-bout.

“It was a really hard-fought tough game, because Ohio is an excellent team, but this is something we really, really wanted, especially after the tough rivalry last season,” said ARRG blocker/jammer Smarty McFly afterwards. “This was a notch in our belts, I guess, after those two losses to them last year.”

It didn’t take long for the locals to gain an advantage. It was a quick sprint out of the gates.

After Ohio’s Phoenix Bunz posted a two-point bout-opening jam, Arch Rival went on a 26-0 run over the next four rotations. Back-to-back four-pointers scored by South City Shiner and Mighty Mighty Boston gave the locals an 8-2 edge four minutes deep.

May Require Stitches’ natural 17-pointer on the next jam stretched the margin to 25-2. Shiner concluded the 26-point run with a solo point, which gave ARRG a 26-2 lead with 24:45 left in the period.

Following a scoreless rotation, Ohio rallied with a power jam by derby sophomore The Smacktivist, whose 17-1 scoring strike at 20:40 whittled the ARRG margin to 30-19.

Arch Rival calmly responded with another 26-0 rally over seven jams that widened the gap. Shiner’s five was followed by a pair from Boston that stretched the ARRG lead to 37-19. At 16:50, Stitches added seven to extend the lead to 44-19. Shiner’s solo point was followed by seven from Boston at 14:29 that widened the gap to 52-19.

A solo tally from The Educator was followed by a trey from Shiner, which concluded the 26-point uncontested run and gave Arch Rival a 56-19 lead with 12:00 left in the period.

An 8-4 jam by Boston followed on the next rotation, which was then followed by three from The Educator. Combined with the rally, ARRG had now notched up nine consecutive lead jams, culminating in a 67-23 lead with 8:45 left.

And all went well after that…well, not quite! After all this IS the extremely-talented Ohio squad that ARRG was playing against.

The visitors netted 24 straight points on the next four jams. The hard-charging Bunz baked a 14-0 strike with 7:35 to start the rally. Kitty Liquorbottom notched three on the next rotation to narrow the margin to 67-40. The Smacktivist posted four and Liqourbottom added another three points to finish the uncontested run and pull OHRG within striking distance, a 67-47 ARRG advantage with 4:11 left.

ARRG responded with points collected off a power jam spread over two rotations. Shiner and Educator each scored four in the mix and stretched the margin to 75-47 with 1:45 left in the period.

Ohio netted lead in the last two jams of the frame to end on a high note. Liquorbottom’s solo point was followed by Bunz’ four-point strike as time concluded.

Despite having a first-period advantage in lead jams (15-7), ARRG only had a 75-52 lead at intermission. The late surge by the Buckeyes, who were down by as many as 44 points eight minutes earlier, made ARRG reflect on what worked well and, conversely, what didn’t in the first half.

“We realized that (Ohio was) getting points when our defense was frazzled or when we started going to the box,” said ARRG co-captain Shimmy Hoffa of the halftime locker room chat. “We talked about the different areas that we needed to tighten up on and knew that we had to capitalize on certain opportunities in the second half.”

Ohio wisely rolled out Bunz with the star on the helmet for the opening jam of the second period. The strategy worked to perfection as Bunz notched eight and made the bout a 15-point affair, 75-60 with 28:45 left.

Then came the opportunities that Hoffa and her sistren were anticipating. Arch Rival unleashed a defensive beast that Ohio wasn’t prepared for, which resulted in a 43-0 rally for the locals that opened eyes. Most surprising was the opening rotation that resulted in an even-strength 25-pointer collected by Shiner that extended ARRG’s lead to 100-60 with 25:30 left.

Eight via Boston’s power jam on the next rotation continued the surge and stretched the margin to 108-60. After Educator collected three on the next jam, Stitches hemmed-in seven with 21:10 left to conclude the streak and widen the advantage to 118-60.

Ohio’s The Smacktivist helped stopped the bleeding by notching lead, scoring 14 points and whittling the ARRG lead to 118-74 with 19:00 left.

However, ARRG responded with a two-jam, 21-0 scamper. Boston’s 12-point power jam strike was followed by McFly’s nine-pointer at 16:10 left that stretched the lead to 139-74.

Once again, the Arch Rival blocking schema flexed its muscles in the second period and kept the visitors at bay. Thanks to the work of the aforementioned McFly, Hoffa, Educator and Stitches, as well as Chewblocka, Mayor Francis Slayer, Grave Danger, Rhino-Might, Science Friction and the returning Eli Wallop, ARRG held Ohio – a team that had scored over 200 points in each of their prior victories this season – to only 22 second-half points midway through the frame.

“The blocking was able to dominate most of the game,” said McFly of the stubborn defense.  “I thought our team had control and that was really an awesome feeling.”

As a direct result, Ohio struggled to gain any kind of momentum as the period progressed and ARRG continued to methodically post points. The Educator scored eight with 5:55 left and ARRG comfortably maintained a 175-89 lead.

Despite a late-bout Ohio surge to tighten the final differential, Arch Rival outscored OHRG in the second period 104-56 to pick up the 179-108 win.

Revenge of the two losses experienced last year? It seemed that ARRG wrote the receipt Saturday night.

“We definitely wanted a little retribution for our performance at playoffs (in 2012) and we wanted to hold onto our ranking,” said Hoffa after the bout. “Hopefully, we will be one of the teams to watch from now on.”

ARRG netted its second straight win and maintained its perfect record at Midwest Sport Hockey (10-0). Boston paced the locals with 52 points unofficially, followed by 48 from Shiner.

The Ohio bout kicked off a very busy May for the locals. The ARRG All-Stars travel to Bloomington, Indiana to face Bleeding Heartland (WFTDA #41) this coming Saturday. A preview of this upcoming bout follows this set of recaps.

ARRG then travels to Indianapolis to face #16 Naptown on May 18 and then embarks on an in-state commute to Fort Wayne in order to play #43 Dutchland at the 2013 Spring Roll Invitational the next day.

Saturday’s win most definitely gives Arch Rival a boost of confidence heading into back-to-back weekends against Hoosier rollers.

“It’s the momentum we want going into a hard stretch of travel that we have,” said McFly.

But don’t expect the locals to rest on their laurels as the month progresses.

“There are always things that we can fix,” said Hoffa. “The goal is to always play at the highest level that we can. Every game is going to be an opportunity for us to learn something new about ourselves as a team. We’re just going to keep plugging away at it.”

The Smacktivist topped Ohio scoring with 54 points, followed by 32 from Phoenix Bunz. Ohio (7-2) meets the Blue Ridge Rollers (WFTDA #44) at home this Saturday.

UNOFFICIAL SCORING

ARCH RIVAL ALL-STARS (179): Mighty Mighty Boston 52, South City Shiner 48, May Require Stitches 39, The Educator 23, Smart McFly 17.

OHIO ROLLERGIRLS (108): The Smacktivist 54, Phoenix Bunz 32, Paige Bleed 9, Kitty Liquorbottom 8, HellionBOI 5.

ARRG SAINT LUNACHIX 242  OHIO GANG GREEN 70

In the last meeting between the two squads a year ago at Midwest Brewhaha, Ohio slapped a 42-point loss on the Saint Lunachix. Much like the ARRG All-Stars, the Lunachix had cautious revenge in its mindset Saturday night.

The plan implemented was executed to perfection in the 172-point thrashing of Gang Green. For the second straight bout at Midwest Sport Hockey, the Lunchix utilized a perpetual offense and a stifling defense to dismantle its opponent.

“I was really nervous coming into this one,” said Lunachix blocker The Forecloser. “I think we were all nervous, but it turned out well.”

Perhaps that’s a humble understatement by the veteran. In hindsight, things turned out so well that there was little to critique in the Chix performance…and it certainly erased all memories of the setback suffered the last time out.

Three lead changes marked the first six minutes of play. Following EnYa Nightmare’s five-pointer scored with 24:00 left, the Lunachix possessed a 9-5 lead.

This began a 20-0 rally for the locals. IDA the Living Dead followed with a dozen points on the next rotation and Killer Painguin added three at 21:40 to complete the run and extend the Lunachix lead to 24-5.

A 4-3 non-lead strike by Chix newcomer She-Ra Powers at 19:40 pushed the margin to twenty, 28-8.

Gang Green took advantage of opportunity in jam nine and tightened the gap. A 15-8 power jam collected from Ohio’s Texas Chainsaw Sasskicker narrowed the Chix lead to 36-23.

Nightmare collected nine on the next rotation to push ARRG’s lead to once again over twenty, 45-23 with 15:00 left in the period.

In the second half of the first period, the Lunachix widened the differential with solid work, inevitably resulting in a comfortable lead at intermission.

Painguin scored a 14-pointer with 11:43 left to extend ARRG’s lead to 59-26. Powers added four on the next rotation and Nightmare’s 13-5 power jam with 8:30 left pushed the scoreboard to 76-31.

Painguin later added a pair of points and Powers powered 14 to extend the Lunachix lead to 92-31 with 4:10 left.

The Lunachix possessed a 105-44 advantage at intermission and were far from finished in showing their dominance.

“We just needed some time to clean things up and figure out (Ohio’s) play,” said Lunachix blocker Pink Diamond. “Once we got that figured out, we were able to shut them down.”

And boy, did they ever in the second period!

Nightmare netted nine for the locals from the onset and widened the lead to 114-44. Ohio countered with ten points over the next two jams to cut the gap to 114-54 with 26:00 left.

The Lunachix responded to the Gang Green mini-rally with a 28-0 spike. Concluded with Powers’ 12-point power jam scored with 21:00 left, St. Louis extended its lead to 142-54.

Up 152-66 with 14:00 left, the Lunachix went into “lockdown mode” and held Ohio scoreless for thirteen minutes. ARRG blocking was at its best during this stretch, paced by the aforementioned Diamond and Forecloser, as well as Morgan LeFaetal, Party Foul, Ginny Beastley, The Siege, Hydrogen Bombshell, The Ginger Assassin and the returning Deathica Steele.

In the process, the Lunchix notched up a 76-0 rally that clinched the bout, highlighted by a 24-point power jam by IDA the Living Dead scored with 9:08 left.

The Lunachix outscored Gang Green 137-26 in the second period to net the 172-point win and its third straight victory.

“I was surprised because it seemed like we in the box so much, but we pulled through and we were able to keep their jammer from scoring,” said the Forecloser following the bout that improved the Lunachix record to 4-1.

Four ARRG skaters notched over 40 points individually. Nightmare scored 86 points unofficially, followed by IDA’s 61.

More importantly, the Lunachix continued to display its depth with the win. Even with adjustments to the line-up, the team was firing, proverbially, on all cylinders. That makes one feel good with the upcoming heavy docket of bouts over the next four weeks. The Lunachix will have battles with the b-squads of Bleeding Heartland, Naptown, Detroit, Windy City and Brewcity.

The Lunachix carry a charter of twenty talented skaters and have to submit a starting roster of fourteen for an individual bout. The team’s depth and skill set recently displayed could potentially result in a decisive edge in future bouts against their Midwestern counterparts.

“We’ve got a huge advantage because we know our charter can fill our roster,” said The Forecloser. “We know that those rosters are going to be loaded and ready to go.”

IDA the Living Dead and The Siege were selected by Ohio as ARRG’s MVP Jammer and Blocker, respectively.

Gang Green (2-4) was paced by Burnadeath’s 23 points.

UNOFFICIAL SCORING

ARRG SAINT LUNACHIX (242): EnYa Nightmare 86, IDA the Living Dead 61, Shear-Ra Powers 51, Killer Painguin 44.

OHIO GANG GREEN (70): Burnadeath 23, Elektra Magneto 21, Texas Chainsaw Sasskicker 16, Paige Bleed 6, Shreadhead 4

ARRG TEAMS BLOOMINGTON BOUND THIS SATURDAY!

The rollers from St. Louis have little time to rest following this past weekend’s sweep. Both the ARRG All-Stars and the Saint Lunachix travel to Bloomington, IN to face the squads of the Bleeding Heartland Rollergirls this Saturday.

In the main event, the ARRG All-Stars (WFTDA #13) face the Bleeding Heartland Flatliners (WFTDA #41). Prior to that match-up, the Saint Lunachix (4-1) face BHRG’s Code Blue Assassins (4-4).

The action takes place at BHRG’s Cardiac Arena in Bloomington. The b-team bout begins at 6 pm Eastern/5 pm Central and the A-team action follows. For St. Louis fans travelling, tickets are $20 at the door.

(Muckety Memo: As of press time, LIVE webstream coverage of the event will be available at no cost, courtesy of BHRG. Check Bleeding Heartland’s official website RIGHT HERE later in the week for more details.)

The ARRG All-Stars posted a 173-58 win over the Flatliners at Midwest Sport Hockey one year ago in the inaugural match-up between the two leagues.

The full line-up is back for the ARRG All-Stars this Saturday and they look for its second straight win over Bloomington, a task they know won’t be easy even though the distance between the two leagues in the WFTDA hierarchy is noticeable.

“They’re ranked considerably lower than us, so the goal is not to underestimate them,” said ARRG blocker Shimmy Hoffa of the match-up. “They have very talented skaters. Every point counts with the new (WFTDA) rankings system. We need to make sure we get every point we can and play as hard as we can.”

Bleeding Heartland (6-5) has been a team on the post-season bubble the past few years. In 2012, they finished the WFTDA North Central region ranked eleventh.

With the new WFTDA rankings methodology in 2013 that eliminates regional boundaries and grants the “Top 40” international leagues post-season berths, the #41 Flatliners are more than primed to make its first-ever post-season appearance.

Their schedule has been very active this season (11 bouts in four months) and a win over ARRG this Saturday night most certainly puts them into playoff contention.

They’ll attempt to achieve this feat at the friendly confines of Cardiac Arena, a converted warehouse that has seen plenty of victories.

BHRG has home wins this season over Brewcity (WFTDA #32), Cincinnati (#38), Grand Raggidy (#48), Burning River (#56) and Old Capital City (#67).

This past weekend, they hosted Brewcity and Steel City (#22) in a three-bout invitational called TARDIS (Triple Action Roller Derby in Space.) The 202-149 loss to Steel City and the 305-247 win over Brewcity pushed their team’s record to 6-5.

This squad contains the experience and firepower to make a push into the WFTDA post-season picture. Even though they suffered a 115-point setback to Arch Rival last year, this team is definitely stronger in 2013.

At the forefront of Bleeding Heartland jamming is a solid trio, paced by veteran Flatliner Kaka Caliente, grinder Nuck L. Sammie and the hard-charging Terror D’Bits. They are supplemented by a talented roster of blockers: Bobbi McGuillotine, Naylor Coffenshutt, Shifty McGee, Mauls Dolls, Special Sass, Bombshell Shock, Manda Runyon, Shock N’ Roll, Pele’s Melee and Aceta Menacin’.

The Flatliners are put into a situation this Saturday where they have potentially “everything to gain” in the bout against the ARRG All-Stars. St. Louis is the highest-ranked WFTDA squad that BHRG will face this season. With the new mathematically-based WFTDA rankings system this year, how the Flatliners perform – even in a loss – could be instrumental in making the 2103 post-season. The new rankings system, based on algorithms, weighs a bout’s final differential and both respective league’s strength of schedule in a designated time period as variables in determining a league’s WFTDA ranking.

Long story short, the Flatliners need a strong performance if they want to keep its playoff dreams alive.

We’ll see how the drama unfolds!

In the undercard, the Saint Lunachix return to familiar stomping grounds to face BHRG’s Code Blue Assassins.

The Chix have played a majority of their 2013 bouts thus far at Cardiac Arena. The squad participated in BHRG’s “B-Cup Tournament” in February and finished the eight-team event third with a 2-1 record.

Although the Chix never faced the CBAs during the round-robin, the invitational did give the locals a chance to scout Saturday’s opposition.

The recent solid play of the Lunachix is going to show those in Bloomington how much they’ve progressed since its visit three months ago.

“We expect (the CBAs) to fight pretty hard, but I don’t think they expect how well we’re playing together as a team right now, “ said Lunachix blocker Pink Diamond of the match-up. “Our blockers have really gotten to know each other well to where we’re anticipating our own jammers and being able to clear the way for them.”

Much like its A-team sistren, BHRG’s Code Blue Assassins have had a busy 2013 thus far. The squad has victories over the b-teams of Fort Wayne (212-130), Grand Raggidy (164-161) and Burning River (230-84)

That, a split against the Cincinnati Silent Lambs and losses against the b-squads of Charm City, Ohio and Nashville has resulted in a record at the .500 mark.

The CBAs launch a jammer attack that includes Dare E. Eryn, Biscuit Cutter and newcomer Bipolar Curves. Blockers Uh Huh Hurricane, Patches O’ Houlihan, Manda Runyon and Mauls Dolls assist in laying down the foundation.

We’ll see if both squads of Arch Rival can continue to keep the momentum rolling following the Ohio sweep! We hope to see you in Bloomington this Saturday night!

ARRG TEAMS NET “TEAM OF THE WEEK” HONORS!

The recent success of the two primary ARRG travel squads has netted them televised honors. Both the ARRG All-Stars and the Saint Lunachix have been individiually awarded the “Papa John’s Team of the Week” from KPLR-TV on its “Sunday Sports Extra” program.

The sportscast, seen Sundays at 7:30 pm on KPLR, Channel 11, weekly recognizes an area sports team for its achievements.

This past Sunday, the ARRG All-Stars were given the award. The story featured an interview with co-captain Mayor Francis Slayer as well as highlights from the Ohio victory.

Go to THIS LINK RIGHT HERE to see the ARRG All-Stars’ “Team of the Week” feature.

In a future installment to be aired at a later date, the Saint Lunachix will be featured.

Congratulations to both squads for the recognition!

NEXT WEEK IN THE ARRG NEWSCENTER: Can the locals continue to keep the blood pumping at Cardiac Arena against Bleeding Heartland? We’ll have recaps from both ARRG games. Plus, if one thought that the season has been tough so far, a road trip to Naptown is right around the corner. The All-Stars battle #16 Naptown Tornado Sirens while the Lunachix face NRG’s Warning Belles. We’ll preview the Indy 5/18 double header. Also, the All-Stars venture up North the following day to participate at the 2013 Spring Roll. They face a new opponent that’s a perennial WFTDA playoff entrant, #43 Dutchland. Wow! So much going on and so much info to give!

Muckety Muck and Magilla Guerilla are bout co-announcers for the Arch Rival Roller Girls. Check back in this section on Mondays for the latest in ARRG news and information.

(BALLWIN, MO) The travel squads of the Arch Rival Roller Girls went 2-0 Saturday night against the teams of the Ohio Rollergirls at Midwest Sport Hockey.

In the main event, the ARRG All-Stars (#13 WFTDA) utilized a bone-jarring defense en route to a 179-108 victory over Ohio (#23 WFTDA). In the undercard, ARRG’s Saint Lunachix turned up the heat in a 242-70 win over Ohio’s Gang Green.

The wins by both squads improved their respective records to 4-1 on the season.

In the A-battle between Midwestern rivals, the ARRG All-Stars used two separate 26-0 rallies in the first period to inevitably notch a 56-19 advantage. A late-period sprint from Ohio whittled the margin to 75-52 at intermission.

Then after Ohio scored eight points on the second half’s opening jam, Arch Rival posted a 43-0 run over four jams to widen the gap. The rally gave the locals a 118-60 lead nine minutes deep.

ARRG would go on to outscore Ohio 104-56 in the second period to pick up the 71-point win, its second straight. Mighty Mighty Boston paced the locals with 52 points.

In the b-team bout, the Saint Lunachix used first-period power to build a sizable advantage. The Chix hustled their way to a 105-44 advantage at halftime.

The differential widened as the second period progressed. At the midway point of the frame, the Chix built the lead to 152-66. The ARRG defense went into “lockdown mode,” keeping OHRG scoreless for 14:00 worth of clock time. As a direct result, the Chix 76-0 run widened the gap.

The Chix outscored Gang Green 137-26 in the second period to pick up their third straight win.

Full recaps of both bouts will be featured in this section of the website on Monday.

BONUS COVERAGE: As a result of their win Saturday night, the ARRG All-Stars have been selected as the “Papa John’s Team of the Week” by KPLR-TV. Watch “Sunday Sports Extra” on KPLR, Channel 11 on Sunday at 7:35 pm for a feature on the team and highlights from the bout.

RIVALRIES RENEW IN ACTION-PACKED DOUBLE HEADER!

by Muckety Muck, Bout Co-Announcer – Photos by Bob Dunnell

This Saturday night in Ballwin, the high-intensity action of the Arch Rival Roller Girls returns…and the stakes couldn’t be any higher!

In the main event, the ARRG All-Stars (3-1) face the Ohio Roller Girls (7-1). In the undercard, ARRG’s B-team, the Saint Lunachix (3-1) tangles with Ohio’s Gang Green (2-3).

The double header takes place at Midwest Sport Hockey (570 Weidman Rd., Ballwin, MO). Doors open at 6:30 pm and the first whistle blows at 7 pm.

Tickets on bout night are $15 cash only at the door. Children 10 and under get in free. Save $3 per ticket by purchasing online at Brown Paper Tickets at THIS LINK RIGHT HERE! (Note: Online sales end late Friday night!)

At the last home event on April 13, both ARRG travel squads notched impressive victories over cross-state counterpart Kansas City. However, the task is much more demanding this Saturday night against a very impressive league from Columbus, Ohio!

Considered one of the best rivalries in the WFTDA last year, the A-team showdown between ARRG and OHRG picks up where it left off last September.

In #4 vs. #5 match-up at last year’s North Central playoff in Niagara Falls, New York, Ohio capitalized on ARRG penalties and posted a 10-point win in the opening round. That first round setback immediately quashed any dreams Arch Rival had in making a berth to the 2012 WFTDA Championships.

That loss stung a lot! Arch Rival, currently ranked thirteenth in the WFTDA rankings, will be looking for revenge after posting a historical benchmark three weeks ago.

On April 13, ARRG netted a 164-99 win over the Kansas City Roller Warriors (WFTDA #19) at Queeny Park, which resulted in the team’s first victory historically over the Missourian legacy league and improved their overall record to 3-1 in 2013.

“We’ve been hungry for that for so long,” said Arch Rival blocker The Educator after the bout. “We didn’t think about what they were doing and just focused on what we needed to do to make our strategy work for us. That was an amazing victory.“

“That was pretty massive,” added ARRG jammer South City Shiner, who finished with 31 points. ”We played them three times and lost, so that was big deal.”

Jammer Mighty Mighty Boston posted 68 points to lead the locals in scoring. Brickyard and Black Market Baby contributed 41 and 31, respectively.

However, the bout’s true MVPs that showed their prowess were the blocking battalion, paced by the aforementioned Educator, May Require Stitches, Chewblocka, Grave Danger, Science Friction, Smarty McFly, Shimmy Hoffa, Mayor Francis Slayer and Rhino-Might. This was specifically true in the second half, where the group held KCRW to an uncharacteristic 42 points in the second half.

That same type of defensive shut-down, with minimal penalties, has to be consistent for all sixty minutes against Ohio. The blocking will get an additional boost this Saturday as veteran All-Star Eli Wallop returns following a five-month injury rehab. However, the ARRG pack configuration will see some personnel modifications out of necessity this Saturday night.

Arch Rival will have to shuffle the blocking structure due to the non-injury absences of starting jammers Brickyard and Black Market Baby. This means that periodically a multi-positional player will have to occasionally convert from blocker to jammer to relieve the increased workload of both Boston and Shiner.

If you’re an ARRG fan, there’s no need to panic about this situation! Boston and Shiner are used to high productivity at a local level for the Stunt Devils. In fact, they thrive on it! And as we’ve seen locally, Educator, Hoffa, Stitches and McFly are more than capable of donning the star with impressive effect. In addition, high-scoring Saint Lunachix jammers EnYa Nightmare and Pink Diamond are additions to the All-Star line-up. This shows the level of experience and depth the team possesses.

Whatever configuration and methodology Arch Rival implements this Saturday night, it has to be almost flawless in execution for its opponent is one of the most intense leagues in the WFTDA.

The Ohio Roller Girls, currently ranked #23 in WFTDA, set a new derby benchmark last year for the most WFTDA-sanctioned wins in a regular season. The philosophy in 2012 was to play anyone at any place at any time. The 19-win campaign prior to the playoffs helped propel them to a fourth place finish at the 2012 North Central playoff in Niagara Falls.

Unfortunately, finishing fourth in a region meant that a league could not take the next step to the WTFDA Championships. Under the playoff structure, a league has to finish in the top three regionally in order to gain a championship berth.

As noted before in prior previews, the complexion of the WFTDA playoff structure has now changed in 2013. The new WFTDA points-calculated system now eliminates all prior regional boundaries. As a result, all WFTDA-ranked leagues (currently 149 internationally) are stacked top-to-bottom.

The goal is to make the “Top 40” internationally when the July rankings are released. Those will be the chosen leagues to make the opening playoff rounds.

OHRG is once again bringing that same hard-working methodology this season in order to gain traction. They’ve already played twice as many games as ARRG.

After posting home victories over Bleeding Heartland (WFTDA #41) and Burning River (WFTDA #56), Ohio swept all three of its bouts at April’s Quad City Chaos in Toronto. They followed that trifecta with an 84-point win over Pittsburgh’s Steel City Derby Demons (WFTDA #22) to keep the perfect record intact. This past weekend, OHRG split road bouts against WFTDA #75 River City (a 278-68 smashing) and WFTDA #12 Charm City (a 232-132 loss), resulting in its mark of 7-1 heading into this Saturday’s bout.

There’s so many layers to OHRG’s offense that it’s difficult where to start. But if there is one Buckeye to watch this weekend, it would be sophomore jammer The Smacktivist, who scored 83 points in the Steel City win. She’ll be joined by veterans Phoenix Bunz, Loraine Acid, Kitty Liqourbottom and HellionBOI in the very deep rotation.

Much like Arch Rival, the key to Ohio’s success this season thus far is the blocking schema. Veterans Bratislava Bruiser, Pippi RipYourStockings, Amy Spears, Kill Basa, Ava Tarr and OuttaMyWayMan will set up the foundation.

OHRG swept both bouts played between the two in 2012. Arch Rival knows that they have to be at their best Saturday to keep their current 9-0 record at Midwest Sport Hockey intact.

“Their players play multiple positions and they’re fast and athletic,” said ARRG’s Boston of Saturday’s opposition.

“Bring on Ohio!” emphatically added the Educator.

Yep, they’ll bring it!

You’ll want to be there for all sixty minutes. The action will be intense!

In the opener, ARRG’s Saint Lunachix, riding on one of their most dominant victories historically in April, are looking to pick up their third straight win.

The Chix netted a 304-106 victory over Kansas City’s Plan B at Midwest Sport Hockey three weekends ago. It had marked the first time the locals had posted 300 points in a bout.

“It’s really important to me that, whether we win or lose, we have fun playing together,” said Chix co-captain Morgan LeFaetal after the bout. “You could see us (against KC) recycling on the blockers and the jammers out there, working well together and just having a great time doing it. We did all those things (that night).”

Veteran Chix jammer EnYa Nightmare scored triple digits in the win. Plus, a pair of youngsters netted high totals against tough opposition. Both Killer Painguin and IDA the Living Dead collected over 70 points in the bout. All three will be in the line-up Saturday night. New Chix’ addition She-Ra Powers will also see a rotation or two at that position.

Setting up the walls will be a solid set of blockers, paced by LeFaetal, The Forecloser, Pink Diamond, Party Foul, Ginny Beastly, Hydrogen Bombshell, The Siege, Professor Rumbledore and The Ginger Assassin. In addition, Chix co-captain Deathica Steele returns to the line-up this Saturday night following a three-month injury rehab. Alternates Sly Davinita and Sp!ce Rack round out the roster.

Their opponents are a hard-charging team as well…and will be looking to play spoiler.

Ohio’s Gang Green contains the components that are essential to league’s development. After posting a season-opening opening win over Bleeding Heartland’s Code Blue Assassins, they dropped their next two, including a 189-156 setback to the Steel City Steel Beamers.

This past Saturday, they spanked River City Warriors’ Uncivil Warriors 448-40 to even their record.  The following morning, a 200-185 loss to Charm City’s Female Trouble dropped their record to 2-3.

Write down the license plate of Gang Green’s Bigg Rigg, who scored 52 points in the Steel City bout, as well as jammers Elektra Magneto and Paige Bleed. Blocking will be paced by Pearl Rogi, Texas Chainsaw SassKicker, NiCold N Deadly, Blitz Lemon, Tactigal, and Angla Vyle.

Gang Green netted victory in its one prior battle against ARRG’s b-team, a 152-110 win at last June’s Midwest Brewhaha.

The Lunachix look to gain the upper hand Saturday night to even the historical record! The action will be top-notch from whistle-to-whistle!

While you’re at Midwest Sport Hockey, be sure to stop by the official ARRG merchandise table to help support the locals.

Also visit the charity raffle table, where tickets can be purchased for $1 apiece or six for $5. ARRG is continuing its support of its season-long charity partner, CHADS Coalition of St. Louis. Charity raffle prizes include ARRG bout tickets, gift certificates from area businesses and other collectibles. Remember, you can’t win if you don’t participate!

This weekend, Arch Rival will once again look to impress the national derby scene. A huge, vocal crowd will help their cause!

We’ll see you this Saturday night at Midwest Sport Hockey!

NEXT WEEK IN THE ARRG NEWSCENTER: Full bout recaps of the double header vs. Ohio! Plus, a preview of the travel squads’ next opponent the following week, Bleeding Heartland!

Muckety Muck and Magilla Guerilla are bout co-announcers for the Arch Rival Roller Girls. Check back in this section on Mondays for the latest in ARRG news/information.

ALL-STARS & LUNACHIX DOMINANT IN WINS!

by Muckety Muck – Photos by Bob Dunnell

(BALLWIN, MO) As far as home openers go, this was about as perfect as it gets!

At its interleague home opener Saturday night at Midwest Sport Hockey, the primary travel squads of the Arch Rival Roller Girls swept a double header against the Kansas City Roller Warriors.

In the main event, the ARRG All-Stars, ranked thirteenth in the WFTDA, utilized a second-period surge to post a 164-99 win over the nineteenth-ranked KCRW All-Stars. In the b-team opener, ARRG’s Saint Lunachix outmuscled KCRW’s Plan B 304-106.

Both teams improved to 3-1 on the season with their respective wins. More importantly, the solid victories over their highly-competitive cross-state counterpart resulted in newfound confidence as the league heads into a very active May.

In the upcoming month, ARRG challenges the squads of Ohio, Bleeding Heartland and Naptown on successive weekends.

Saturday’s two-bout sweep gave notice to those on the horizon that Arch Rival is a league to watch out for in 2013.

#13 ARRG ALL-STARS 164  #19 KCRW ALL-STARS 99

In three prior “Show Me State” battles, Kansas City had always trumped the locals. That streak came to an end Saturday night as Arch Rival utilized a 37-0 second-period sprint en route to a 65-point victory.

“We’ve been hungry for this for so long,” said Arch Rival blocker The Educator after the bout. “We didn’t think about what they were doing and just focused on what we needed to do to make our strategy work for us. This is an amazing victory.“

New faces in the Kansas City roster for its first bout of 2013 and the absence of stealth jammer Jade Lightning in the bout-day line-up resulted in question marks for the league that went to last year’s WFTDA Championships.

Arch Rival hit an exclamation point with the bout’s opening whistle as jammer Mighty Mighty Boston capitalized on a JamaLamaDingDong track cut penalty to post 18 points and give the locals an 18-0 edge.

KCRW’s Ruth Canal retaliated with four on the next rotation, whittling the ARRG lead to 18-4 with 26:35 left in the period.

Brickyard collected two for Arch Rival on jam three to extend the lead to 20-4. A 2-1 jam for South City Shiner pushed the advantage to 22-5 with 24:05 left in the period.

Kansas City rolled out a 14-0 rally over the next three rotations to whittle away the deficit. Jama’s solo point was followed by a 5-pointer from Canal to narrow the gap to 22-11. Shady O’Dread added eight at 19:30 on the next jam to make the bout a three-point affair, a 22-19 lead for ARRG with 19:30 left in the first period.

A 4-4 push on the ninth jam was followed by eleven points straight by Arch Rival. Black Market Baby’s deuce was followed by nine from Brickyard, resulting in a 37-23 lead for the hostesses with 14:00 left in the period.

Kansas City struck back on the next rotation, resulting in a lead change. As ARRG’s Shiner sat in the box via a track cut, Enigma collected 19 points that gave the visitors a 42-37 lead with 11:10 left in the frame.

The five-point lead was short-lived as KC’s Canal went to the box during the next jam for the same infraction. As a result, Boston netted 15 points for Arch Rival, who regained the lead, 52-42, with 8:55 left. ARRG added three more on the next jam from BMB to widen the lead to 55-42.

With 6:40 left, ARRG scored two from Brickyard’s jam, but in the process lost a key cog in its blocking schema. Arch Rival pivot Mayor Francis Slayer received a gross misconduct penalty for illegal interference due to an incident involving the fallen “jammer panty” of KCRW’s JamaLamaDingDong.

According to the WFTDA rule set, any gross misconduct penalty – even those committed on the first occurrence – leads to an automatic expulsion…or in this non-violent, non-obscene instance that affected game play, the Mayor’s impeachment.

“We’ve been working really hard to build a deep bench, so when we lost Mayor, we were still confident that we could play our strategy with the resources that we had,” said The Educator of the situation.

Re-shuffling the line-up was no big deal. Staying out of the box was. Kansas City capitalized on consistent Arch Rival penalties and launched a 15-0 rally over four jams that inevitably tied the score.

O’ Dread collected five, Enigma followed with four and JamaLamaDingDong added three to close the gap to 57-54. Mary Lou Wretched’s three-pointer scored on the period’s penultimate jam resulted in a 57-57 stalemate with 1:20 left.

The late-half KCRW sprint was the type that had historically given Arch Rival a case of the sour belches during past play. ARRG’s missive this season is not to let things like that overwhelm them.

“We have been working on our mental game this year, so that was like a big challenge for us,” said ARRG’s Shiner of the drama. “A lot of times, we would really lose our sh*t when something like that happens.”

Cooler heads prevailed as O’Dread’s track cut on the period’s final jam gave Arch Rival a chance finish the period on top. Shiner netted a dozen points to give St. Louis a 69-57 lead at intermission to give her squad a little breathing room and to collectively reflect in the locker room.

Perhaps the late-period push by Arch Rival foreshadowed things to come as St. Louis churned out a 37-0 run to begin the second period. Highlighted by a pair of nine-pointers by Brickyard and Shiner, Arch Rival stretched its lead to 106-57 with 22:30 left in the bout.

A 13-3 power jam strike by KCRW’s Annie Maul stopped the bleeding and narrowed the deficit to 109-70 with 20:15 left, yet Kansas City could find little traction thereafter. Paced by the blocking schema of Shimmy Hoffa, Chewblocka, May Require Stitches, Grave Danger, Rhino Might, Smarty McFly, Science Friction and Hydrogen Bombshell, Arch Rival held KCRW scoring to a pair of points over the bout’s next ten minutes.

“I knew Kansas City was going to be hard-hitting, but our blockers were solid with their four-walls, which made it easy for our jammers to get through,” said Boston of her blocking sistren.

In the process, ARRG went on a 39-2 surge. Following two from Brickyard, Shiner collected ten via a power jam with 17:30 left to stretch the lead to 121-70. Boston followed with eight to widen the gap to 129-70.

Brickyard later added a baker’s dozen that made the score 142-72. ARRG completed the 39-2 rally with 10:20 left and had amassed a 148-72 lead.

KCRW briskly scored points in the waning stages to tighten the differential, but the deficit was way out of reach. Arch Rival outscored Kansas City 95-42 in the second half to pick up the 164-99 victory, its first over KCRW historically.

 “This was pretty massive,” said Shiner, who finished with 31 points. ”We played them three times and lost, so this was big deal.”

Boston paced Arch Rival with 68 points, followed by Brickyard’s 41. The win also kept the team’s record at Midwest Sport Hockey unblemished (9-0). Arch Rival hosts Ohio (WFTDA #23) on May 4 at Midwest Sport Hockey.

“(Ohio’s) players play multiple positions and they’re fast and athletic,” said Boston of the rivalry that was a finalist in last year’s Derby News Network Readers Poll. “We’re going to have to train really, really hard against them.”

Kansas City (0-1) was paced by Enigma’s 24 points. KCRW is idle until mid-May’s Spring Roll 2013, where they face Chicago Outfit and Dutchland in WFTDA-sanctioned bouts and Midwest MEGAteam in an exhibition bout.

UNOFFICIAL SCORING

ARCH RIVAL ALL-STARS (164): Mighty Mighty Boston 68, Brickyard 41, South City Shiner 31, Black Market Baby 21

KANSAS CITY ROLLER WARRIORS ALL-STARS (99): Enigma 24, Shady O’ Dread 16, Trauma 15, Annie Maul 13, JamaLamaDingDong 9, Ruth Canal 9.

ARRG SAINT LUNACHIX 304   KCRW PLAN B 106

In the b-team undercard, the Saint Lunachix had a plan…dispatch Plan B by simultaneously utilizing derby smarts and ruthless aggression. The “A-plan” was effective, and eye-opening, in the 198-point victory that improved the Chix to 3-1.

“Coming into this game, we were a little worried about our team work,” said Lunachix co-captain Morgan LeFaetal following the win. “At our scrimmage earlier in the week, we were all over the place. Our goal was to come together as a team and really be positive and supportive of one another.”

That positivity and support was consistent throughout.

EnYa Nightmare began the scoring with a 9-pointer on the opening jam to give the Lunachix the early 9-0 lead. A 4-4 push on the second jam upped the score to 13-4. Killer Painguin extended the Chix’s lead to 17-4 with a four pointer scored with 26:00 left in the period.

KC’s Plan B capitalized on a power jam on the next rotation and eventually powered their way to a lead change. A 4-2 strike for Chum Fiesta was followed by a ten pointer scored by Bereave at 23:45 to make the score bout an one-point affair, 19-18 in favor of the Chix.

An 8-4 jam for Plan B’s Bomb Pop gave KCRW its first lead of the bout, 26-23 with 21:50 left in the period.

The lead was short-lived and never seen again as the Chix went on a 28-0 run over the next three jams. Nightmare powered out an even strength 20-pointer on the next rotation, which gave the Chix a 43-26 lead with 19:50 left. Back-to-back four-pointers by Ida the Living Dead and Painguin extended the lead to 51-26 at the 17:45 mark.

Following a trey scored by Plan B’s Bomb Pop, Nightmare netted a 14-pointer for the Chix, extending the St. Louis margin to 65-29 with 14:50 left in the period.

Bereave scored three for KCRW to whittle the gap to 65-32. The Chix responded with their first power jam of the bout. Painguin’s 20-4 strike at 11:00 pushed the score to 85-36.

Jams of twenty dotted the Chix scoring ledger as the period progressed. Painguin’s 20-5 tally with 3:55 left raised the score to 123-5. Ida the Living Dead’s period-ending 20-point power jam gave the Lunachix a “very much alive” 152-31 lead at intermission.

“That made it a lot easier for us,” said Painguin of the halftime comfort margin. “There wasn’t all that pressure to constantly score points.”

The momentum carried over into the second period as The Chix started with a 30-0 sprint in the first two jams. Nightmare’s period-opening 10-pointer was followed by another 20-point power jam for Ida. The rally extended the Lunachix lead to 182-51 three minutes into the period.

ARRG hit the bi-centennial mark as Ida netted a 9-4 non-lead scoring strike to give the locals a 203-60 lead with 21:20 remaining.

The Lunachix continued the onslaught as the period progressed and the Kansas City penalties accumulated. A 20-point power jam by Penguin scored with 17:55 left extended St. Louis’ lead to 227-60. Ida added 18 via the same method that pushed the score to 254-68.

As the scoring accumulated, the Chix defense held Plan B to minimal points. Consistency was key as LeFaetal, Party Foul, The Forecloser, Ginny Beastly, Hydrogen Bombshell, The Siege, Professor Rumbledore, Sly Davanita and The Ginger Assassin kept Kansas City fairly quiet in the second half.

The Chix jamming rotation was active beyond the starting three. Pink Diamond notched ten with 12:00 left to stretch the lead to 264-72. Molecular Mayhem added eight two jams later. Diamond posted an 18-0 strike on the bout’s penultimate jam.

The second verse was the same as the first as the locals posted an identical 152 points in the period. The Lunachix outscored Plan B 152-55 in the second to pick up the 198-point victory, notch their second straight win and improve to 3-1.

“We did not expect to (beat them) like that so badly,” said LeFaetal of the Chix dominance. “Maybe it was the home track advantage. Everyone on Kansas City’s team played hard and they were a lot of fun to play with, but tonight we were the better team.”

Nightmare finished the evening with 102 points to pace the Lunachix. Painguin and Ida added 73 and 70, respectively.

“It was my first Lunachix bout, so I was expecting it to be really difficult,” said Ida afterwards. “I don’t want to discount Plan B’s efforts, they did a really good job, but I was really impressed by our ability to work together.”

Painguin and The Siege, were designated by KCRW as Most Valuable Jammer and Blocker, respectively.

“Personally for myself, I feel like I’m growing by leaps and strides,” said Painguin.

The tally of Chix points marked the first time the squad had reached the 300-point milestone.

Most importantly, according to LeFaetal, all worries the Chix had prior to the first whistle were erased at the bout’s conclusion.

“It’s really important to me that, whether we win or lose, we have fun playing together,” said the co-captain. “You could see us recycling on the blockers and the jammers out there, working well together and just having a great time doing it. We did all those things tonight.”

The Saint Lunachix return to action at Midwest Sport Hockey on Saturday, May 4 as they host Ohio’s Gang Green.

UNOFFICIAL SCORING

ARRG SAINT LUNACHIX (304): EnYa Nightmare 102, Killer Painguin 73, IDA the Living Dead 70, Pink Diamond 33, Molecular Mayhem 26.

KANSAS CITY PLAN B (106): Ivanna Bereave 47, Bomb Pop 32, Chum Fiesta 18, Chupcabra 5, Sea Monstrosity 4.

Muckety Muck and Magilla Guerilla are bout co-announcers for the Arch Rival Roller Girls. Check back in this section on Mondays for the latest in ARRG news and information.

by Muckety Muck – Updated 12:15 am

(BALLWIN, MO) The Arch Rival Roller Girls notched a two-bout sweep over Kansas City Saturday night at Midwest Sport Hockey.

In the main event, the ARRG All-Stars – ranked #13 in the WFTDA – netted a 164-99 victory over the 19th-ranked KCRW All-Stars. In the undercard, ARRG’s Saint Lunachix out-muscled KCRW’s Plan B 304-106.

In Saturday’s finale, the All-Stars found themselves in a first-period donnybrook with their in-state rival. Tied 57-57 after the penultimate jam, ARRG jammer South City Shiner posted a 12-point power jam to give the hostesses a 69-57 lead at intermission.

ARRG went on a 37-0 run to start the second half, stretching their lead to 106-57 seven minutes deep. Tenacious blocking held KCRW to only 15 points midway through the frame.

ARRG went on to outscore KCRW 95-42 in the second period to pick up its first win historically over Kansas City and improve to 3-1 on the season. Arch Rival jammer Mighty Mighty Boston scored 68 points unofficially to pace the locals, who kept their winning streak at home (9-0) intact.

In the B-team opener, ARRG’s Saint Lunachix capitalized on numerous first-period power jams to build a sizable advantage. 20-point strikes by Chix jammers Killer Painguin and IDA the Living Dead – along with tight defense – helped the locals post a 152-51 lead at the half.

The dominance continued in the second period of play as the Chix outscored Plan B 152-55 to pick up the 304-106 victory. Chix jammer Enya Nightmare paced the locals with 103 points. The win marked the first time the Chix had scored over 300 points in a bout.

Full recaps from both bouts will be featured in this section late Sunday night.

ALL-STARS’ PERFECT RECORD AT HOME AT RISK!

by Muckety Muck, ARRG Bout Co-Announcer

The high-octane action of the Arch Rival Roller Girls will be kicked up to a whole new level in derby’s version of the “I-70 Series” this Saturday night!

The ARRG All-Stars (2-1) face the Kansas City Roller Warriors (0-0) in WFTDA-sanctioned action. In the undercard, ARRG’s B-team, the Saint Lunachix (2-1), tangle with KCRW’s Plan B (0-0).

The double header takes place at Midwest Sport Hockey (570 Weidman Rd., Ballwin, MO). Doors open at 6:30 pm and the first whistle blows at 7 pm.

Tickets on bout night are $15 cash only at the door. Children 10 and under get in free. Save $3 per ticket by purchasing online at Brown Paper Tickets at THIS LINK RIGHT HERE! (Note: Online sales end late Friday night!)

There are more than just “Show-Me State” bragging rights on the line in Saturday’s twin bill. This holds specifically true in the signature bout.

A new methodology of ranking leagues by the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association that dissolved geographical regions has been put into effect in 2013.

In the past, ARRG competed within the North Central region while Kansas City competed in the South Central. This meant that the results of bouts between the two leagues would have no direct impact in their respective region rankings (as voted upon by a specific region’s leagues internally) and ultimately their seeding in future playoff tourneys.

That is no longer the case this year. The new WFTDA points-calculated system now eliminates all prior regional boundaries. As a result, all WFTDA-ranked leagues (currently 149 internationally) are stacked top-to-bottom. Results, point differentials and strength of schedule are all factors that result in a league’s mathematically-derived WFTDA ranking.

The rankings also take into consideration the performances of one’s bout-day opponent and how they have performed in a designated time frame.

Algorithms are then applied to create a calculated score for a league, which then translates into a WFTDA-positioned ranking. (I looked at this new trend in-depth with THIS COLUMN!)

Whew! That seems like an awful lot of math to figure out, but now with the new method of ranking WFTDA leagues, there is a concrete way of charting a team’s progression that leaves speculation to the wayside.

In the end, the goal of the 149 WFTDA leagues currently ranked is to make the “Top 40” internationally in July. Those will be the chosen ones to make the playoff rounds.

The WFTDA released its inaugural rankings in mid-March. The ARRG All-Stars found themselves ranked #13 while Kansas City was positioned #19.

Long story short…there’s a lot riding on the line in this Saturday’s main event, more so than just a “W” or “L.”

The ARRG All-Stars had an extremely busy March that saw them post historical benchmarks. Victories over the St. Chux Derby Chix (WFTDA #79) and Omaha (#36) saw the locals post winning differentials of over 300 points.

ARRG was upset by No Coast (#33) in Lincoln, Nebraska two Saturdays ago, a three-point nail biter that dropped the team to its current record of 2-1.

That loss stung a lot, but the team looks to rebound this Saturday night and get back onto the winning side of the ledger. They can most certainly do it with the firepower they possess.

Veteran jammers South City Shiner, Mighty Mighty Boston and Black Market Baby have returned to their stellar roles in 2013 and all three are off to a hot start. The trio is complemented by A-squad newcomer Brickyard, who has already posted triple digits in two bouts in the 2013 campaign.

The heart of this line-up is the veteran battalion of blockers that make the scoring happen. Returning starters Chewblocka, Grave Danger, Mayor Francis Slayer, Science Friction, May Require Stitches, The Educator, Smarty McFly, Shimmy Hoffa will be joined by A-team call ups Rhino-Might and Hydrogen Bombshell.

That’s a pretty solid line-up! They’ll have to be at their best this Saturday night because their cross-state opponent is looking to make a statement with its first bout of 2013.

The Kansas City Roller Warriors finished second in the 2012 WFTDA South Region Playoff. A first round loss to Minnesota in the opening round of the 2012 WFTDA Championships ended their season with a record of 6-7, which is pretty solid considering the high-caliber teams they faced throughout the year.

Ten veterans return to the 2103 KCRW roster overall. The jamming quartet of Trauma, Jade Lightning, Bella Fire and Enigma bring years of experience collectively and will match up evenly with ARRG’s “Fab 4.”

Blocking will be paced by returning starters Bruze Her, Evolution, Barbrarian, Black Ice and the wonderfully-named JamaLamaDingDong.

Historically, Kansas City has always had Arch Rivals’ number. KCRW has won all three prior meetings of the two leagues, including a 146-80 home win in their last meeting on August 13, 2011.

But that was then and this is now! Arch Rival looks to keep its unblemished interleague record of 8-0 at Midwest Sport Hockey intact.

Expect anything and everything in the main event. You’ll want to be there for the final whistle!

Saturday’s B-team opener also features plenty of intrigue. The Saint Lunachix look to pick up their second straight win of 2013.

The Chix’s current record of 2-1 was the direct result of a third place showing at February’s “B-Cup Tournament“ in Bloomington, IN. A tourney-opening win over Grand Raggidy was followed by a loss to inevitable second-place finisher Charm City in the semifinal bracket. A third-place bout victory by the Chix over Detroit righted the ship.

Key components from that team are in the line-up card. Jammers EnYa Nightmare, IDA the Living Dead, Pink Diamond and Killer Painguin will don the star to set the tone. Chix blockers Ginny Beastley, The Forecloser, Party Foul, Morgan LeFaetal, Megalodominator, Shacgyver, Arcane Sugar, Sp!ce Rack and The Ginger Assassin will assist in building the foundation. Also on the charter for the Chix in 2013 are Sly Davanita, Molecular Mayhem, Prof. Rumbledore, The Siege and She-Ra Powers.

Anyone who follows ARRG action knows that that’s a lot of depth to work with. This will be key as the Chix look to collect their third victory of 2013.

Like its A-team sistren, this is the first bout of the year for KCRW’s Plan B. The squad finished 2012 with a 4-5 record.

Longtime Plan B lynchpin Bomb Pop paces the jamming rotation. Returning starters Bypolar, Jess Decker, Maus Trap, Ram Ram, Roxy Rotsalot, Sy Kadlelike Tripper, Bonita Bandita, Ivanna Bereave and Warden Smitty will be mentioned early and often in the bout. Former Tucson Roller Derby skater Millie Watt transfers to the league to add depth.

It’ll be a good test for both squads in the opener. One can expect that the action will be top-notch from the onset!

While you’re at Midwest Sport Hockey this Saturday, be sure to stop by the official ARRG merchandise table to help support the locals. There’s plenty of ARRG All-Stars and Saint Lunachix swag to be found!

Also visit the charity raffle table, where tickets can be purchased for $1 apiece or six for $5. ARRG is continuing its support of its season-long charity partner, CHADS Coalition of St. Louis. Charity raffle prizes include ARRG bout tickets, gift certificates from area businesses and other collectibles. ARRG will draw the winner at halftime of tonight’s second bout. Remember, you can’t win if you don’t participate!

As projected, Kansas City will bring a vocal and raucous crowd with them to Midwest Sport Hockey.

We hope to see you there this Saturday night to cheer on St. Louis!

ARRG TO APPEAR AT SMOOTHIE KING WEDNESDAY!

It’s a great combo of a Smoothie King and derby queens!

The Arch Rival Roller Girls will be making an appearance at Kirkwood’s Smoothie King (465A Kirkwood Road) this Wednesday from 6 until 9 pm!

Come on out, enjoy one of Smoothie King’s delightful concoctions and talk roller derby with the fabulous ladies of ARRG!

The weather’s projected to reach up to mid-70s on Wednesday. That’ll make a smoothie the perfect mid-week fix!

To find out more about Smoothie King, and to see what they have to please your palette, go to their official website RIGHT HERE!

ARRG CONTINUES WORK WITH ADOPT-A-HIGHWAY!

Members of the Arch Rival Roller Girls continued its three-year commitment with the Missouri Department of Transportation’s “Adopt-A-Highway” program by cleaning its coverage area this past Saturday.

ARRG’s stretch of highway is located at I-55 near the Germania exit.

To find out more about ARRG’s charitable work in the community, click on the “CHARITY” tab on our website.

NEXT MONDAY IN THE ARRG NEWSCENTER: Which teams reigned supreme in the battle of Show-Me State squads? We’ll have full recap coverage of ARRG’s bouts against Kansas City!

Muckety Muck and Magilla Guerilla are bout co-announcers for the Arch Rival Roller Girls. Check back in this section on Mondays for the latest in ARRG news and information!

HISTORICAL WIN VS. OMAHA FOLLOWED BY 3-POINT FALL

Written by Muckety Muck – Coverage provided by Vendetta VanGo & Mama Lockdown.

(LINCOLN, NE) The Arch Rival Roller Girls’ All-Stars – currently ranked #13 in the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association rankings – split a pair of Saturday bouts at the Pershing Center.

In a Saturday afternoon tilt behind closed doors, ARRG powered their way to a 392-56 win over #36 Omaha. Later that evening – and with doors wide open – St. Louis dropped a 149-146 heartbreaker to #33 No Coast (Lincoln) in a topsy-turvy bout that was determined on the last jam.

The 1-1 road trip pushed ARRG’s record to 2-1 on the season.

#13 ARCH RIVAL 392   #36 OMAHA 56

It had been a long time since these two teams met. Their last meeting saw Arch Rival suffer a 57-point loss in the ninth place game of the 2010 North Central region playoff.

Oh my, how things have changed! The early Saturday bout saw St. Louis set triple league benchmarks, most team points scored in a bout, most team points scored in a half and widest winning point differential.

All this in front of…well…dozens! After all, that’s how private bouts go sometimes.

After a 1-1 bout opening stalemate, Black Market Baby posted a solo point on the next rotation to push ARRG’s lead to 2-1.

Then, literally, the flood gates flew open as Arch Rival posted 69 points uncontested. All-Star addition Brickyard netted eight in the third jam to extend the lead to 10-2. Boomba added four three jams later to extend the lead to 15-2. Brickyard added twenty via a power jam on the next rotation to up the ante to 35-2.

South City Shiner collected ten at 19:15 to push Arch Rival’s lead to 45-2. St. Louis continued the surge and polished the 69-0 rally to rumble out to a 71-2 lead midway through the frame.

The dominance displayed continued for St. Louis as the period progressed. Arch rolled out to a 146-9 advantage with 3:50 left in the period.

A 36-0 ARRG rally punctuated the half. With jammers scoring in bunches and blocking negating Omaha offense, Arch Rival sported a 183-12 lead at intermission.

A 2-1 jam for Boston started second half scoring, extending the lead to 185-13. ARRG then went on a 77-0 blitzkrieg over the next eight minutes. Brickyard and Shiner posted massive points and the Arch Rival blocking schema – paced by Chewblocka, Science Friction, May Require Stitches, Grave Danger, The Educator and a host of others – put the clamp down and extended the ARRG lead to 262-13 with 21:00 left in the bout.

The differential widened as play continued. ARRG went on to outscore Omaha 209-44 to pick up the 336-point victory, the league’s largest historically, and improve to 2-0.

#33 NO COAST 149  #13 ARCH RIVAL 146

Take the dozens that saw the earlier bout and multiply that by…well…a lot! Such was the turnout for the battle between the two squads that had not played each other since June 2009.

It turned out in the end to be the ultimate nail biter for all in attendance!

ARRG found themselves behind the proverbial 8-ball early. No Coast sported a 23-3 lead five jams in and stretched the lead to 32-6 one jam later.

A power jam by ARRG’s South City Shiner two rotations later whittled No Coast’s lead to 41-26.

Arch Rival would keep chipping away at the lead as the half progressed. ARRG pulled to within three points, 55-52, with 7:00 left in the first period.

No Coast scored nine straight to push the edge to 64-52. A 6-2 run of points for ARRG narrowed the gap, 66-58, with 2:50 left in the frame.

Lincoln capitalized on ARRG penalties and went on a 19-0 run to finish first half scoring. At intermission, No Coast sported an 85-58 lead.

The home cookin’ continued to start second period play. No Coast maintained the differential and posted a 91-62 lead three jams in.

A track cut penalty by a No Coast jammer on the next rotation gave ARRG the opportunity it was looking for. In the process, Boston posted points to whittle the margin to 100-71. After a reset, Black Market Baby notched up 14 points to narrow the gap to 100-85.

The streak was stifled and No Coast went on a 19-4 surge to extend the lead to twenty, 119-89, midway through the frame.

Points were scored on a premium as the period progressed. With 11:40 left, No Coast maintained 125-93 lead. Brickyard scored four on the next rotation to help ARRG narrow the gap to 125-97.

ARRG found a power surge with 10:00 left and a 29-0 rally ensued, resulting in a lead change. Following the streak, Arch Rival had its first lead of the bout, 126-125, with under 8:00 remaining.

A baker’s dozen straight thereafter continued Arch Rival’s cause. Black Market Baby scored nine on the next rotation to give ARRG a 135-125 with 6:18 remaining. Brickyard followed with four to push the lead to 139-125.

No Coast countered with five on the next rotation to whittle gap to nine points, 139-130. A 9-1 power jam for No Coast with 2:15 left made the bout a solo point affair. The 140-139 Arch Rival lead made those in attendance at Pershing Center, and ARRG fans viewing updates via social media, extremely fidgety.

A 6-5 score posted by ARRG on the penultimate jam stretched the St. Louis lead to two points, 146-144.

The final jam saw No Coast captain Flash gain lead jammer and net a natural grand slam as time expired. The five point tally resulted in a 149-146 win for No Coast.

The three-point upset victory improved No Coast’s record to 4-0 while Arch Rival dropped to 2-1.

The loss might have been bitter for St. Louis, but for those in attendance, they knew they had witnessed one sweet bout.

The Arch Rival All-Stars return to action on Saturday, April 13 when they host #19 Kansas City.

NEXT WEEK IN THE ARRG NEWSCENTER: Their bouts used to only have “Show Me State” bragging rights on the line, but in the new rankings format of the WFTDA, Arch Rival vs. Kansas City now takes on a whole new meaning. The locals look to rebound after a tough loss vs. No Coast and Kansas City kicks off its 2013 campaign. We’ll preview the “A” bout with the ARRG All-Stars vs. the Kansas City Roller Warriors, plus we’ll have a look at April 13’s undercard of the Saint Lunachix vs. KCRW’s Plan B!

Muckety Muck and Magilla Guerilla are bout co-announcers for the Arch Rival Roller Girls. Check back in this section on Mondays for the latest in ARRG news and information.

 

ARRG, OTHERS AFFECTED BY NEW MATH IN WFTDA ’13

Commentary by Muckety Muck, ARRG Bout Co-Announcer – Photos by Bob Dunnell

(Disclaimer: The following opinions expressed in this commentary are solely that of the author. They are not the opinions of the Arch Rival Roller Girls.)

I look at mathematics the same way I look at a steaming bowl of lima beans. I can’t stand them. Hence, those wretched legumes are never placed upon my family’s dinner table.

Self-admittedly, Mrs. Muck takes care of everything numerical-based in our household. She balances the checking account, prepares the yearly taxes, dispenses allowances for the little Mucks and makes sure all bills are paid on time. Every copper penny is systematically accounted for.

She wants to do it, and I gladly let her do it. She’s smart when it comes to digits. I’m not…and never will be.

That’s not to say that mathematics isn’t important to me. It quantifies my paycheck, helps me make quasi-rational decisions when betting on horses at Fairmount Park and allows my created player while playing “NHL Slapshot” on the Wii tally Herculean goal amounts.

When it comes to roller derby, math should be easy for simpletons like me. If no one’s committed a penalty, ten skaters are out there for a jam, five aside for each squad. Each rotation begins with a two-minute jam clock. One blown whistle starts play. After initial passes, points accumulate for jammers.

Grand slams are worth five points. Periods are thirty minutes long, plus remaining time on the jam clock, if applicable. Time between jams without stoppages is thirty seconds in length. One team at the end of a bout unofficially accumulates “x” amount of points, the other “y.”

Tallboy Pabst Blue Ribbons at local bouts are $3 each. If I give the barkeep a five spot, I should get two in return. If the service and conversation is good, I gladly give a dollar back, which leaves me with one Washington. Mechanically, if one takes 28 empty PBR cans, they can systematically construct a really cool pyramid.

It’s derby mathematics. Easy to comprehend, once you get to know it. No collegiate sheepskin necessary. After all, sports should be easy to follow numerically, regardless of your prior exposure to it…or how drunkenly one builds an aluminum edifice in celebration.

When I follow the Arch Rival Roller Girls’ action on a local (intraleague) level, I know what to expect when it comes to numbers. But on an internationally-competitive (interleague) level, I find that mathematics are potentially going to become a lot more involved, and complicated, than I ever expected to be when I began as a fresh-faced fan of it six years ago.

I simultaneously embrace and repel it. I anticipate it because it means that a potentially exciting chapter will soon be written. I am leery of it because of my self-imposed fear of mathematics.

Beginning this season, the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association, the governing body in which the Arch Rival Roller Girls are a sanctioned member of, is establishing a new methodology of ranking leagues that compete internationally.

In the past, leagues within the four WFTDA geographical regions would internally rank their region’s respective leagues on a quarterly basis. The intent was to place a hierarchy, based upon strength of performance and results against in-region leagues, which would then dictate which squads inevitably advanced to post-season play.

In short, a region’s “top ten” were decided by the votes of the region’s respective leagues and those ten then participated in a round-robin style playoff tournament, held near the final quarter of the calendar year. The top three finishers from each of the four region playoffs advanced to the WFTDA Championships, which has been held in November since 2008.

The playoff math was simple to follow. Take a region’s top ten, have a tourney that advanced a trio, multiply that by four, and voila, one had their twelve international finalists for the Hydra Cup, the WFTDA’s version of the big brass ring.

This seemed like a good idea in the infancy and early progression of the WFTDA. With major and legacy markets dominating the domestic leagues, figuring out who made the cut and who didn’t seemed like a no-brainer, based upon primarily in-region wins and losses.

This trend continued as the sport cultivated and blossomed internationally, even as some seeds of doubt were planted. Strong teams competitively still managed to grab playoff spots. Upstart leagues would methodically work their way up the ladder and attempt charges toward future consideration.

With WFTDA regions ranking their own respective leagues without concrete mathematics, this made region rankings more subjective than objective in nature.

To clarify between the two methods, one can use the Olympic Games as an example.

In subjective methodology, one could use figure skating. An athlete performed their routine and a judge allocated a score. It could be a “10,” it could be an “8,” or it could be any decimal derivative, depending on the execution and the subjective critical mindset by said judge.

In objective methodology, one could use track and field. In a 100-yard Olympic dash, the sprinter that crossed the finish line first would be considered the winner objectively. The winner was determined by performance. No ifs, ands or buts. That sprinter broke the tape and was awarded the gold.

To leave the Olympics and return to flat-track roller derby, one could foreshadow where the years-long trend was potentially heading with subjective methodology. With so many established leagues within the four separate regions (each has a minimum of 34 leagues) and so many upstarts gaining apprenticeship into the WFTDA fold, figuring out where leagues belonged within a region’s ranking order via vote became somewhat problematic, especially for those smaller leagues well beyond the Top 10.

After all, did North Central “queenpin” Windy City really pay much attention to, or quite honestly care, what happened in that CoMo Derby Dames/Southern Illinois match-up last June when rendering a subjective hierarchical vote?

That’s debatable. Perhaps they did, but did they know the true strengths/weaknesses of their regional sistren, ranked #30 and #34 respectively, at the time of the bout?

That’s not a personal knock against Windy City. Realistically, they shouldn’t be pre-occupied with things like that. They had bigger fish to fry. As much as I like both CoMo and Southern Illinois personally, I honestly I don’t think I would have personally explored depth other than the final result as well.

To progress the sport, it seemed that in today’s WFTDA, mathematics, and objective methodology, needed to be applied when figuring out where 177 international leagues would be placed upon the “derby totem pole” as a whole and which would inevitably earn future playoff bids.

The WFTDA released earlier this year downloadable documents that detailed the goals and methodology of their new objective rankings system…one that would now be based on mathematics. The main form of arithmetic utilized has been casually given the imposing moniker of the “The Rankings Calculator.”

DUNNN-DA-DA-DUN!

If one wishes to see the aforementioned in full, you can go to THIS LINK RIGHT HERE.

If you’re mathematically-challenged like me, you got lost the first moment you saw a divisional sign.

In this new system, how a league performs, how its particular bout’s opponent performs in said bout, and how both leagues have performed against other WFTDA opponents within a designated time frame (strength of schedule) are applicable factors.

Algorithms will be utilized to assess a team’s total ranking point accumulation achieved during bouts and an overall rank against all international competitors will be assessed as the year progresses. The rankings are scheduled to be released on a bi-monthly basis.

This means that every two months, all WFTDA international leagues will be ranked top-to-bottom. The WFTDA’s “Top 40” are considered “Division 1” level, leagues checking in at #41 through #100 are considered “Division 2,” and those beyond the century mark are considered “Division 3.”

Most importantly for salivating leagues, the ones in that top grouping (the D1s) at the final regular season rankings – set to be released by the WFTDA on June 30 – will be the ones chosen for post-season play in the Fall in the quest to win the WFTDA Championship. A separate D2 tourney – featuring the squads that finish #41-#60 in the rankings - will take place in August.

To make the initial “huh?” factor a little more crystallized for head-scratchers, the new basis of objectively ranking WFTDA teams is comparable to what FIFA – the Federal Internationale de Football Association – does for ranking international football (soccer) teams.

This is dandy if you follow FIFA! But if you’re like me and think “FIFA” was a German new-wave band that had a 1982 Top-100 hit called “Meine Eiscreme Ist Weich,” then I’m afraid we’re back at ground level. Oh Zum Kuckuck! Mathe sollte nicht dieses harte sein!

That last italicized sentence translated in English reads, “Math shouldn’t be this hard!” I leave it up to you to figure out what its preceding exclamation means.

On March 15, the WFTDA released its inaugural calculated rankings on its official website. Out of the 149 international leagues that were ranked, Arch Rival came in at #13. This put St. Louis, who finished eighth at last year’s North Central regional playoff, ahead of Kansas City, Naptown and Atlanta, who all advanced to last year’s WFTDA National Championship.

Seeing Arch Rival’s post-season stumble compared to the other trio’s playoff success, the skeptical might argue “Hey, that doesn’t seem right!” Consider this. These rankings were based upon Arch Rival’s performances – and their oppositions’ performances – from March 2012 to February of this year.

That included tight ARRG victories over Naptown, Houston, Detroit and Madison.  That also included dominating results over Cincinnati (a pair of wins), Nashville, Chicago Outfit and Memphis. Again, how those respective leagues performed in calendar year 2012 against other WFTDA squads also played a factor in determining an opposing league’s strength compared to Arch Rival.

Even in losses, bouts against Texas, Ohio and Brewcity also played into Arch Rival’s favor due to those respective leagues’ busy schedule. Texas is the defending WFTDA South Central champ and finished fourth in the 2012 Championships, Ohio faced anybody and everybody in 2012 and finished fourth in North Central playoffs and Brewcity challenged eight Top 10 North Central teams last year.

In short, there had to be a base strength of schedule in order to set a precedent for this inaugural rankings period.

To see the inaugural WFTDA calculated rankings, go to THIS LINK RIGHT HERE!

The change, as expected, has resulted in varying opinions from the derby community, dependant on one’s internal, passionate viewpoint. Much like human nature, not everybody accepts change the exact same way.

Public negativity of the “rankings calculator” is expected by those within the governing body. In a January 25 column posted by Derby News Network, Bonnie Thunders, the WFTDA’s Director of Gameplay, directly addressed the potential backlash of this new system:

“I think one of the biggest risks that the WFTDA faces is criticism from its fans and from the people that watch on it with very close eyes,” she said.

That’s a very vocal group, regardless of their skill set of numerology. This especially holds true for the latter ones with the big peepers. After all, we “derby geeks” aren’t afraid to extrapolate opinions through written words…um, or so I’ve heard.

“I think the risk is not so much that we’re going to fail or what we might have not done right, but the risk is that we might not be able to be as nimble in the future to adjust and change things as we go,” Thunders continued in the DNN column.

And perhaps that’s the most consternating part for those following WFTDA 2K13. It’s a big glaring change from the onset. That means that some things might not potentially flow as smoothly as anticipated or projected.

The goal is to evolve the potential hierarchy of derby’s post-season just as the sport itself has evolved internationally.

“This is the start to something bigger and better,” said Thunders to DNN. “It’s not the end, it’s just the beginning. To me, the risk is more the criticism we’re getting from people who are not 100% satisfied with the system–but that’s only going to make it a stronger system in the end.”

I can dig that. I can totally dig that. An early negative is probable, but a positive end result is likely, given time and patience. Initial outrage and passionate debate will more than likely subside once the objective system is put into full effect over time.

Much like all advancements in derby, once one knows how “the game” is played, one will know how to ultimately master “the game.”

But it does, as a result of my loathing of mathematics, lead to conflicting emotions personally from the onset.

Those I know within the close-knit derby universe have enlightened me to any numerical fears I might have. My Canadian friend – and fellow announcer – CaptainLou El Bammo has followed this new trend closely in the first few months of the calendar year.

On his own, and prior to the inaugural WFTDA released rankings, he’s applied result differentials and rankings point assessments to multiple WFTDA-sanctioned bouts already held.

“I’m a fan of switching to a math-based system since it puts the requirements to improve (a league’s) ranking, within the WFTDA, out there nice and clearly,” he says. “I realize the math can be intimidating but the good news is that once the WFTDA finally releases their initial rankings, there is a strong likelihood that someone (perhaps the WFTDA itself) will put a rankings calculator online and (a league) will simply be able to enter the teams and the scores (or predicted scores) and find out how many Rankings Points (they’ll) end up with.”

That’s encouraging for those of us who need proof in the pudding when it comes to ranking leagues. A concrete, and transparent, representation will help.

“The math-based system is solid enough and should work in the short term,” he adds.

I respect and value CaptainLou’s opinions because he brings a lot to the table in terms of experience. Aside from announcing on an international level for WFTDA.tv and CanuckDerbyTV.com, he was a coach for the WFTDA’s Tri-City Thunder (Ontario, Canada) for its inaugural travel team campaign in 2010. He currently assists the Royal City Roller Girls as an announcer, a coach/trainer for one of its local squads and a NSO (non-skating official.)

Outside of derby, he has also owned his own business, which means that he’s familiar with meticulously and systematically keeping track of numbers, whether it’s in inventory, expenditures or budget.

In short, he’s used to working with sums, differentials, multipliers and indexes. No doubt, he and Mrs. Muck would hypothetically have plenty to talk about while I place a Lincoln on “Poobah’s Clipboard” in the fifth race at Fairmount Park. They would also point and laugh at me when my horse places dead stinkin’ last.

However, the good Captain does see an early kerfuffle in the rankings shuffle.

“The biggest weakness of the system, so far, is that most leagues/members do not really understand how it works and so have not scheduled their games accordingly,” he says.

Scheduling an interleague season is tough enough for a league, regardless of size. It simply cannot just schedule a bout whenever and wherever it wants. An overall travel budget (which includes invitational/tourney entrance fees and its associated costs in transportation) has to be taken into consideration.

If hosting an interleague bout, availability of both venue and desired opponent are factors. Then there are the additional costs with holding a WFTDA-sanctioned bout on one’s home turf, such as marketing and stipends for visiting leagues and officials.

In short, all leagues have to be extremely selective in who they schedule and face, both home and away. Historically, a higher-ranked team could host or visit a lower ranked team without fear of seeing their region ranking drop. That is, unless they suffered defeat.

Also, a league could also dot the local schedule with out-of-region opponents without fear in dropping their rank within their respective WFTDA region. In effect, playoff desires would not be affected, regardless of the outcome.

Now it seems that a league has a lot to risk, win or lose.

With international leagues scheduling (sometimes scrambling) tentative opponents well before the new rankings methodology was implemented, that meant that there was a good chance that a higher-ranked league scheduled a lower-ranked league to play against.

Bouts like these, even though some might look at them as mismatches on paper, are important. It gives leagues a chance to test future additions to the line-up, create newfound pack combinations and fine-tune strategies in a competitive environment.

One does have to wonder though, might this mean that a league that was looking to “fill a hole” in the schedule might have unknowingly “fell into a hole” when it comes to assessed bout points achieved in 2013?

“A problem is when a team plays another team that is ranked too lowly,” CaptainLou says. “There is a maximum to the number of Ranking Points that you can receive from a game and that maximum is based off the ranking of your opponent. So you can play a game and have absolutely no chance to have your Ranking Points Average (RPA) to increase even if you scored every point in the game.”

El Bammo has observed the new rankings calculator both help, and conversely hinder, leagues that have competed in WFTDA-sanctioned bouts this calendar year. But as a whole, he’s seeing the implementation of the new method performing as projected.

“Because the schedules were made before the ranking system was really released, it means most teams are playing teams they normally would,” he says. “The results, for those teams, show relatively good numbers and reflect my expected performance for those teams.”

But let’s leave the international scene and specifically return to our neck of the woods. Let’s put the new WFTDA rankings calculator to the test and look at the Arch Rival victory over the St. Chux Derby Chix on March 10.

ARRG, a projected Division 1 playoff team, posted a 387-75 WFTDA-sanctioned win over the adjacent league, initially classified as Division 3. When the bout took place, neither team knew where they were going to find themselves in the inaugural WFTDA 2103 rankings…and they knew full well that the bout would not apply to the projected rank in this round.

Although both squads competed on friendly terms, the end result and its massive differential did matter to both in future rankings’ point accumulation. ARRG’s quest to make Casey Kasem’s “Top 40” this season in D1 meant that they weren’t afraid to post grand slams early and often to help its cause.

“We knew it was really important for us to get a really strong point differential to make sure that we’re solidifying our spot in Division 1,” said Arch Rival blocker Shimmy Hoffa after the 312-point victory.

That’s not Hoffa being callous, that’s her being honest. It’s now what’s expected when so much mathematically is riding on the line with every WFTDA-sanctioned bout recorded, regardless how much a team has a definitive advantage over the other on paper prior to the first whistle blown and how the end result will be calculated after the final whistle is blown.

CaptainLou applied the end result of the Arch Rival/St. Chux bout, held on March 10, to the new calculator prior to the release of the first set of the WFTDA league rankings. Once the inaugural rankings were released on March 15, he took into consideration Arch Rival’s inaugural ranking of #13 and St. Chux’s inaugural ranking of #79.

After revisions, implementing both the new WFTDA calculator and the March 15 released rankings, he projected that Arch Rival, with the win, received 237.9 points compared to St Chux’s 88.96.

“That brings the game back to an under perform for Arch Rival since St. Chux’s 79th out of 149 leagues (ranked) is not as valuable as 79th out of 177,” El Bammo says in hindsight. “It also points back to the dangers of playing a much lower-ranked team.”

For one who writes headlines for the news columns of this website, I don’t know what looks more accurate, given the new algorithmically-calculated end result of bout.

It could read….

ARCH RIVAL UPENDS ST. CHUX 387-75!

Or, given the importance of the new WFTDA rankings calculator…

ARRG’S 237.9 WFTDA NET OVER ST. CHUX’S 88.96 DISHEARTENING!

It’s hypothetical, but which headline is more correct in the total scheme of things and which one is more important to you as a derby fan?

Two additional questions have to be asked. In hindsight, would have ARRG eased up on the gas pedal against St. Chux, a league they truly admire, if “the calculator” wasn’t put into play?

More importantly did the result really hurt Arch Rival in its quest to gain traction in the WFTDA’s “top 40?” It all depends on Arch Rival’s future bouts and their opponent’s future bouts.

To its credit, St. Chux took the loss as a positive. Even in defeat, they got a WFTDA-sanctioned bout against a highly-skilled competitor.

“SCDC gets some experience playing us and the more they play higher teams, the better they’ll do,” said Arch Rival blocker Science Friction after the March 10 bout.

And St. Chux could potentially do better. Their inaugural ranking of #79 is eye-opening considering that they only gained full status in the WFTDA seven months ago. A victory over WFTDA #67 Old Capitol City at home this Saturday will most certainly help their cause.

Wouldn’t it be cool for Missouri derby if the “Pack in Black” found itself in the WFTDA Division 2 tourney come August thanks to the calculator?

Arch Rival can help its cause as well this weekend. They travel to Nebraska on Saturday for an afternoon private bout against Omaha (#36) and an evening tilt against No Coast (#33), in Lincoln. The two leagues finished the 2012 WFTDA South Central playoff eighth and fifth, respectively. A sweep, and big differentials posted, will be a big boost.

So I’ve weighed the new calculator, the new objective rankings methodology and CaptainLou’s analysis, and I do find enough fuel in the fire to affect myself personally as a derby fan, regardless of my league affiliation.

Overwhelmingly on the positive side, I like the fact, that now with all the WFTDA leagues being thrown into one giant derby playoff “hopper,” all interleague bouts have some sort of significant impact.

For example, the upcoming April 13 bout against Kansas City, currently ranked six spots behind Arch Rival, now has added value and incentive for both competing leagues.

In the past, the ARRG vs. KCRW showdown merely had good-natured “Show-Me State” bragging rights on the line. Arch Rival represented the North Central region in historical structure, while Kansas City represented South Central. As the two leagues competed in separate WFTDA regions in the past, the outcome of their cross-state bouts did not affect their respective playoff dreams prior to 2013.

That is no longer the case. More than ever before, April’s bout will have meaning for both winner and loser. I like that, wholeheartedly. It will undoubtedly bring extra intrigue to the bout, for both leagues participating and fans attending.

I also applaud, mathematics aside, the calculator’s objective form of methodology in concept. No matter how scores, differential and strength are quantified, there is, with this new system of rankings, a mathematically-concrete end result. If one wonders why a league is positioned higher, or conversely lower, against another league, there will at least be some statistical representation displayed to justify the rank.

In short, the WFTDA is showing leagues where they stand during a particular rankings period benchmark. In 2013, it’s going to be every two months. Leave speculation to the wayside. The rankings calculator designates where a league fits against its international derby compatriots. Accept it, whether you like it or not.

But I do have to play devil’s advocate of the application of the new procedure.

On the negative side for me personally, I strongly feel that assessing rankings primarily based on differentials encourages blowouts by stronger leagues.

There is a reason I watched mere jams of the World Cup Tournament this past December. Not mere bouts, I truly meant mere jams. Even though my heart bleeds red, white and blue, I felt no personal comfort in watching Team USA sh*tkick Team Scotland 435-1 in its World Cup bracket qualifier.

I know I shouldn’t fault my country’s output, but that’s what happens when differential over win/loss result is encouraged. It truly becomes a case of the “have and have nots.”

I felt the same when Old Glory dismantled Team Australia 532-4 in the World Cup semifinals and Team Canada 336-33 in the championship bout. I can only imagine that those in attendance after the first few rotations got restless. It might have help beverage sales, but beyond that, did the World Cup do anything for the fringe fan…the potentially-paying fringe fan?

That’s not to say that future bouts will have glaring differentials such as these, but I have a sad premonition that the new rankings calculator will result in lopsided scores between teams that are not equal in depth and skill set. I didn’t get into the sport to watch blowouts. And I have strong confidence that many people – primarily paying fans – agree with this.

Also, will WFTDA leagues even be more selective than they already are in who they play against?

I liked that Arch Rival and St. Chux played each other on March 10. I obviously have unconditional love for the league that I yap for, but I also do have a lot of respect for the opposing league because of their hard work and sweat-equity invested.

But given the new math applied, will that be the only WFTDA-sanctioned bout that the two leagues will ever play against each other?

It could be argued by those who follow derby that a solution is found by making a bout between two divisionally non-compatible WFTDA leagues “unsanctioned or non-sanctioned” by design, meaning that the end result is merely scoreboard-based and not applicable to a calculator or future rankings.

By structure, it’s a bout, but should it be more accurately defined as a scrimmage since the value will be, for both leagues competing, potentially less?

Let’s go beyond the Missourian borders and ask this: how is a smaller league, even in defeat to a larger league, ever going to gain traction and improve in the rankings if the bout doesn’t apply towards its meticulously calculated future?

“In the past, teams could gain valuable experience playing against higher-ranked teams,” says El Bammo. “The new ranking system is likely to reduce the value of such a game. Will we see more unsanctioned bouts? Time will tell.”

Yes, time will tell. But for the here and now, all this mathematical mumbo-jumbo should not sway you as a derby fan.

For those of you who plan to join us at Midwest Sport Hockey in April for Arch Rival vs. Kansas City, I implore you to just look at alphabetics, not mathematics. The only two things you need to be pre-occupied with that night are the letters “W” and “L.”

Trust me…it’s much easier to follow. Tallboy PBRs are still only $3 and frozen pretzels that are made chewable are $1.50 That’s all you need to know, numerically. If one builds a pyramid using empties, then use the end of a half-eaten pretzel to stabilize the base or create a symbolic emblem at the top.

Then ultimately take a picture of it and post it on your social media hub. Mechanical engineers will be envious because of the good time they missed and younger folks will think its “cramazing.”

I’m thinking about the visitors as well. For those of you making the trek from Kansas City, I expect you to fist-pump in jubilation after KCRW jammer Jade Lightning scores a four-pointer. After all, that’s why you’re travelling 235 miles one-way to support your team on a Saturday night in April, isn’t it?

For those of us that follow the impending future of a sport now based on algorithms, we’ll perhaps look at the end result with far more trepidation that we really should.

At bout proper, how a particular league performs, how their opponent performs, and how they ultimately competed in the past and the future against other squads with their own calculated rankings are going to dictate which teams make movements, both up and down, in the rankings.

Once a final “Top 40” in WFTDA Division 1 is determined in July, which Arch Rival hopes to be a part of, a new playoff format implementing “S-curves” will rear its head. With this new system, historical region playoffs do not matter anymore. That’s a whole other future commentary to be pounded upon my beer-stained keyboard.

In the end, I shall follow this new “rankings calculator,” even though I shouldn’t because of my distaste involving decimals and fractions. My heart says to just look at two consonants – “W” and “L” – when it comes to interleague derby match-ups, because it’s easier to follow for chumps like me.

I have words for Donald Knuth, the Wikipedia-defined “father of the analysis of the algorithm:” I respectfully despise you. Even though you have a 33-year advantage of walking on this Earth and have a far-superior cerebral level than myself on all fronts, safe money says I could still shotgun a PBR tallboy faster than you. This is what your prior academic work at Stanford has inevitably done to me as a derby fan.

That being said, I’ll bet you and I could build a heck of a pyramid afterwards…and high-five after every grand slam scored. I think you would dig derby. I’ll buy the first three rounds.

I do know this. Objective mathematics, including those that teams don’t have internal control over, are going to make an impact in WFTDA 2013, no matter how one sugarcoats it.

And lima beans are still banned in the Muck household, no matter how much butter I put on them to conceal their mealy taste.

Muckety Muck and Magilla Guerilla are bout announcers for the Arch Rival Roller Girls. Check back in this section on Mondays for the latest in news, information…and recipes involving legumes.