ARRG ALL-STARS PROVE YAPPER WRONG AT BREWHAHA!
by Muckety Muck, ARRG Bout Co-Announcer - Photos by Bob Dunnell

The following opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of the author. They are not the opinions of the Arch Rival Roller Girls.

This coming weekend, this derby yapper gets to place another candle on the top layer of his annual birthday cake. But instead of offering warm fuzzies, perhaps you should be genuinely concerned for the Muckster.

For starters, my cake will now sport enough waxed wicks to break fire codes in numerous municipalities. In fact, one could suggest that it would be much, much safer to bake two separate confections, distribute the candles evenly and minimize the risk of the celebrant torching himself.

More importantly for this birthday boy, a year older does not necessarily mean that he became wiser.

In fact, most recently, I became fully aware that I’m not as smart as I think I am sometimes.

First a little background. Back in March of this year, my good friend Inspector Muffin, the voice of the Ohio Roller Girls, christened his self-created website that contains previews, recaps and features involving his respective league. It also contains personal reflections from his journeys in the derby world.

In its initial launch, he asked for feedback from his announcing brothers and was open to any constructive ideas that would give his website, as they would say in the social media world, “traction.”

I suggested that maybe it would be “kewl” if a constant group of derby announcers would make weekly predictions on sanctioned bouts in the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association (WFTDA). This concept wasn’t new. A website called “Roller Derby Inside Track” had done something similar in the past, but they had discontinued the feature in 2011.

In the “RDIT” picks, the panelists had just solely picked winners. I suggested to the Inspector that in this newly-created version of the “Chatterbox Pick ‘Ems,” the forecasters should go in-depth as to why certain favorites were chosen, thus, giving the selections more weight.

To get the ball rolling, and since it was my hair-brained scheme, I gladly raised my hand to Muffin and said I’d volunteer in the weekly soothsaying. Canadian derby announcer Captain Lou El Bammo and Ohio-based voice Kent the Politician were recruited to complete the “core four” of panelists. A weekly guest picker would also be added to the mix to provide a little outside flavor.

And away we went. I perused the offerings and made picks. Some were certainly easier than others. It’s been an enriching experience overall. I now have to analytically look at leagues based in cities as massive as New York City, New York (population 8.245 million) and as miniscule as Bemidji, Minnesota (population 12,073.)

I look at bouts with a critical eye and use my head instead of my heart when casting decisions.

By researching leagues internationally in 2013, I figured that this fortune-telling contest would personally become a part of my overall derby…eh…edumucation. Not bad for a guy who was on academic probation his freshman year of college for foregoing textbooks and, instead, improving his skill set in the game of “Quarters.”

Locally when it came to picks involving the Arch Rival Roller Girls’ All-Stars travel squad, I nailed wins over playoff perennials Kansas City in April and Ohio in May, thus, adding to my winning percentage.

But a mid-May misfire of choosing ARRG over a much-stronger Naptown team made me take a step back and question…was I putting my personal league affiliation in front of a critical decision?

This was riding heavily on my mind as the “Pick ‘Ems” panel approached Midwest Brewhaha 2013 in late May. In an unprecedented move, the panelists decided to pick favorites in all twenty WFTDA-sanctioned bouts that were being held that weekend. Yep, all twenty.

The ARRG All-Stars had two bouts lined up at Brewhaha in Milwaukee. The first, against a struggling Pikes Peak squad, provided to be a no-brainer for all involved. Arch easily over PPDG voted all five Amazing Kreskins.

The second match-up involving your locals was much more difficult. Arch Rival, currently ranked #13 internationally in the WFTDA, versus #16 Detroit. I had seen personally how Motown went on a push at the 2012 North Central region playoff and finish fifth, which were three positions higher than what the St. Louisians had finished at the same event.  Plus, Detroit kept the differential tighter earlier this season against Naptown than what Arch Rival had posted in mid-May.

I internally struggled and changed my winner of the Arch Rival vs. Detroit bout approximately fifteen times prior to ballot submission, all based on critical analysis.

But then, in a stroke of elderly foolishness, I thought to myself, “What if I went against the grain and purposely chose against Arch Rival in order to give the league a little extra incentive for victory?”

In my mind, a vote for Detroit would certainly give Inspector Muffin’s website the “traction” he sought…and perhaps gave a little “oomph” to ARRG.

To add to my pre-meditated scheme, I intentionally picked Detroit as a “team to watch” at Brewhaha, especially in its match-up against Arch Rival.

A selection from my writings that week on the website contained the following projection:

“Sunday’s revenge match against Arch Rival is pivotal, so much so that I’m nervously picking them to win. Yeah, when the Muckster picks against his home league, you know someone’s out to make a statement. I sense that Detroit sends a strong message at Brewhaha: ”We are most certainly back…now Honey Suckit!””

For those outside of the loop, Honey Suckit skates for Detroit and she’s really good at what she does. In my Brewhaha dissertation, her name provided the exclamation point.

To seal the deal, a giant Detroit Derby Girls’ logo was placed in the column below my boonie-hatted mug shot, signifying a win for Motown over St. Louis.

As one would expect with an announcer picking against his home league, the Facebook feedback was swift.

“Ooohhh, you’re in trouble,” said a retired ARRG skater now living in Texas. “Seriously?” replied a current member of the All-Stars. “What the Muck?” added a teammate.

By golly, I had successfully done it! Traction, baby! Extra page views for the Inspector and raised emotions from my home league with reverse psychology. The WWE’s Vince McMahon would have been proud!

The ARRG vs. Pikes Peak bout at Brewhaha Friday went as projected. Arch Rival 441, Pikes Peak 95.

Then the Sunday Brewhaha bout against Detroit arrived, a bout I had to call online. With the grace of a flat-foot floogie with a floy floy, I keester-wrestled an uncooperative US Cellular Arena folding chair and took my spot at the announcers’ table for the web stream call on “WFTDA.tv Presents,” which was, unfortunately for me, located mere inches away from the Arch Rival bench.

From the get-go, I knew I would be hounded. One ARRG skater gave me the “thumb slash across the throat.” Another gave me the “Eye Am Watching You” gesture with two fingers.

My ARRG co-announcing partner Magilla Guerilla, who was positioned at the same table and announcing the bout in-house, scooted his chair further away from me as the glares continued. I don’t blame him at all. Figuratively, and perhaps to the league literally with my intentional vote of no confidence, I was Public Enemy #1.

I’ll take the self-inflicted heat, I thought to myself. If the skaters from the “Show-Me State” wanted to prove me and the derby universe wrong, then here was the golden opportunity to do it on a large stage.

The action was fast from the onset. Detroit posted an early 12-3 lead. A power jam for Arch Rival flipped the scoreboard to 17-12 in favor of the St. Louisians.

Thanks to Detroit penalties, Arch Rival stretched the margin to 35-15.

And then the Missourian lead widened. 53-24 Arch with 13:14 left in the period. Then 62-24 one minute later. Then 89-37. Then 99-44.

When the differential stretched to fifty points, it literally dawned upon me…this Arch Rival team needed no pre-meditated coercion at all, from myself or anyone else. My pre-Brewhaha cause of worry was being subsided, jam by jam.  This squad was performing well beyond what many had projected.

Long-time ARRG veterans were showing their dominance in positional blocking. Teamwork was being executed properly. Role players were handling their designated responsibilities flawlessly. Penalties were minimal. Drawing penalties on the opposition were causing the gap to widen.

The Arch Rival onslaught continued as the bout progressed. 139-87 with 20:00 left in the second half. 167-90 midway through the frame.

While I maintained my “poker face” and remained unbiased in my web stream call by praising positive Detroit moments, I will admit that I was beaming with pride inside. To my left, Guerilla knew his home league was in the driver’s seat, yet kept it professional as well.

When the bout ended, the scoreboard displayed Arch Rival 216, Detroit 138.

It was a victory for the St. Louisians, and consequently, a setback for my prognostication percentage. It served me right.  The Arch Rival win derailed my ego…because I had doubted the league I yapped for, even though I shouldn’t have.

I didn’t stick around after the bout to receive a round of “told you so’s” from the Arch Rival skaters. Guerilla and I had to take off in the Muckster’s truckster and head back home after a weary weekend in Milwaukee.

But I knew that I would inevitably get my come-uppance upon my return. One of the ARRG skaters sent me a friendly jab online.

“So happy we could make you proud,” she said. “And prove you wrong.”

My time under the life-long learning tree ends this way. For his birthday celebration this weekend, instead of cake, this Gateway City derby yapper will chomp down on a huge slice of humble pie. I have no problem with that. After all, the calories are significantly less than my preferred "7-UP Pound Cake."

But more importantly, as this grizzled grey beard turn one year older, he stumbled upon a valuable lesson.

No matter what the rationale or intention, never bet against your home league ever again.

However, there is a home bout against #10 Minnesota on August 10.

As Fred Flintstone would say,”Yyooohh, boyyy.”

NEXT WEEK IN THE ARRG NEWSCENTER: The ARRG All-Stars return to action at Midwest Sport Hockey on June 28. They'll be in a WFTDA-sanctioned bout against a squad that's projected to make the 2013 WFTDA Division 1 playoff tournament. The Floridians they face have posted impressive wins and would love nothing more than to play spoiler and bust up ARRG's undefeated streak at Queeny Park. Next week, we'll preview ARRG's battle against Jacksonville!

Muckety Muck and Magilla Guerilla are bout co-announcers for the Arch Rival Roller Girls. Check back in this section on Mondays for the latest in ARRG news/information.

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FLOWER POWER PREVAILS IN 192-164 WIN FOR ARRG!
By Magilla Guerilla, ARRG Bout Co-Announcer – Photos by Bob Dunnell

(ST. PETERS, MO) The travel season for the Arch Rival Roller Girls continued to roll along Saturday night as the league's “c-team” developmental squad, the Fleur De-Linquents, took a brief road-trip west and posted a 192-164 win over the St. Chux Derby Chix Hells Belles at Matteson Square Garden.

This was a re-match of a bout that took place the year prior, with the “b-team” of SC/DC earning an easy victory in 2012.

Saturday’s bout was decided by the team that took the biggest advantage while on the power jam and a crucial second-half tactical decision with a skater's position. It also involved one squad that never trailed in the bout until several jams into the second period.

Wearing their red home jerseys, SC/DC didn't hesitate to draw first blood against their sisters from St. Louis and utilized an early power jam and effective blocking to open up a very quick 28-3 lead three jams into the contest.

Rookie SC/DC jammer Jedi Knightengale opened eyes early and often as she made an immediate impact in the bout with a 23-point power jam. She paced all jammers with a 42-point first half and was a puzzle ARRG struggled to solve all night long, ending the bout with 72 of her team's 164 points scored.

The home team continued to hold the De-Linquents at arm's length during the first half and jammer penalties plagued any attempt for the skaters from Arch Rival from digging into their deficit.

However, a late first-half run of points by ARRG chipped into the lead as Molecular Mayhem tossed out a 13-point jam and after a star pass and then a traditional jam, Ida the Living Dead added an additional 11 points for her team.

The late surge brought the De-Linquents to within five points of the home team, with the score 77-72 in favor of the SC/DC Hells Belles at intermission. For Arch Rival, the late first-half decision to shift Ida the Living Dead from blocker/pivot to jammer proved to be a tactical choice that greatly impacted the results of the second period.

The second half featured a strong, early outburst of points from FDL jammer Chokehold Chanel, who worked very hard in the first half, but was not able to capitalize with significant scoring.  That was not the case after the half and she urged on her team's comeback effort with early jams of 12 and 10 points, respectively, which provided Arch Rival its first lead of the contest.

Both sides dug in deep with their blockers and while standout SC/DC blockers Pixie Dustruction, Scarlett Get-her and June Cleavage did their best, there was no stopping the onslaught from ARRG’s Ida the Living Dead in the second half as she scored 65 points in the frame with a combination of power and even-strength jams.

By forcing jammer penalties and tightening up their own defense, Arch Rival scored 120 second-half points and the blocking of Party Rockher, Cloak n Dragher, Stray Touhell, Shacgyver, Eveready, Vendetta Van Go, Shear Ra Powers and a host of others relentlessly battered the SC/DC star bearers and really imposed their will on the home team.

After losing the lead, the mother/daughter combo of Grey Goose O’ Flyen and Drinkerbell helped their team regain the lead with a combined 38 points on three jams, but it would prove to be not enough for the ladies of St. Charles.

With less than 10:00 to go in the bout and Arch Rival down by just six points, Ida the Living Dead scored a 29 point power jam that handed the lead to the FDLs, a lead they never relinquished.

With a late penalty against their jammer on the second to last jam, SC/DC ran out of time for an additional push. A final effort by the Hells Belles' Drinkerbell ended up in a scoreless lead jam as time expired and the jam was called off.

It was official. Despite being down early and never leading until the second half, the Fleur De-Linquents had stormed back with a solid 192-164 victory over the SC/DC Hells Belles.

The FDLs (2-0) next take the track during the weekend of June 29th as they participate in the Midwest Derby Fest double-elimination tournament in Lebanon, MO.

There is even an outside chance, depending on the outcome of the brackets, that they could meet SC/DC once again, although that league re-match would be against their “Pack in Black” All-Star squad.
UNOFFICIAL SCORING:

ARRG FLEUR DE-LINQUENTS (192): Ida the Living Dead 76, Molecular Mayhem 42, Chokehold Chanel 32, Warpath O'Jen 28, Shear Ra Powers 14

SC/DC HELLS BELLES (164): Jedi Knightengale 72, Drinkerbell 43, Grey Goose O'Flyen 37, Pixie Dustruction 10, Jane Error 2

The main event of Saturday’s double header featured a “mixed-gender exhibition” between “Team Extreme” and a local group of skaters calling themselves “Fleur De Lethal.”  The local group was composed of skaters from the Arch Rival Roller Girls, SC/DC's “Pack in Black” and the STL Gatekeepers men’s derby franchise. “Team Extreme” featured St. Louisian standouts from both ARRG and the Gatekeepers, along with skaters from the Oklahoma Victory Dolls, Gotham, Brew City, Kansas City and Your Mom Men's Derby.

A tightly-contested, defensive start from both sides and an early lead for “Team Extreme” was answered by a late first-half barrage of power jam points that continued into the second half and the locals from “Fleur De Lethal” cruised to a 227-115 victory, assuring everything was coming up roses for the St. Louis’ fans in attendance.

Magilla Guerilla and Muckety Muck are bout co-announcers for the Arch Rival Roller Girls. Check back in this section on Mondays for the latest in ARRG news/information.

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ALL-STARS IMPRESSIVELY SWEEP, LUNACHIX GO 2-1!
by Muckety Muck, ARRG Bout Co-Announcer

(MILWAUKEE, WI) The primary travel teams of the Arch Rival Roller Girls won four of five bouts at Midwest Brewhaha 2013 this past weekend at US Cellular Arena in downtown Milwaukee.

The ARRG All-Stars, ranked #13 in the Women's Flat Track Derby Association, swept both their bouts while the Saint Lunachix finished 2-1 at the three-day event.

On Friday, the ARRG All-Stars posted a 441-95 victory over #59 Pikes Peak. The 441 points collected set a new league benchmark for most points scored in a WFTDA-sanctioned bout. It also marked the first time that Arch Rival had scored over 400 points in a bout.

On Sunday, the ARRG All-Stars outmuscled #16 Detroit 216-138, completing the sweep. The pair of wins improved the Arch Rival's A-team record to 8-2.

For the Saint Lunachix, ARRG's b-team, the weekend began with a 251-153 victory over the Brewcity Bruisers Battlestars. The 98-point win pushed their historical record over the Milwaukee-based b-team to 3-0.

In the Saturday session, the Lunachix fell to Windy City Rollers' Second Wind, 252-185, in the inaugural match-up between the two leagues.

On Sunday, the Chix rebounded and defeated the Detroit Derby Girls Disassembly Line, 302-145. The second victory of 2013 over the Motown b-team improved ARRG's b-team record to 7-3.

 

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ALL-STARS, LUNACHIX FACE TOUGH FOES AT MILWAUKEE!
by Muckety Muck, ARRG Bout Co-Announcer


The primary travel squads of the Arch Rival Roller Girls put the finishing touches on a very productive May with a weekend trip to the Badger State for arguably the best yearly, flat-track invitational in the Midwest.

Both the Arch Rival All-Stars and the Saint Lunachix will participate at fourth-annual Midwest Brewhaha, hosted by the Brewcity Bruisers, this Friday through Sunday at US Cellular Arena in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

The three-day, two-track event will host 34 bouts and feature 25 teams from all over the US and Canada. A-teams, B-teams, men’s teams and junior derby squads will compete during the weekend.

(Muckety Memo: Midwest Brewhaha event will have LIVE online coverage of all the bouts at no cost to viewers. Go to THIS LINK RIGHT HERE later in the week to see the webcast schedule.)

ARRG has sent teams to all three prior Brewhahas and each respectively have had their fair share of success at the invitational.

The All-Stars have a historical record of 6-1 at Brewhaha, which includes a two-bout sweep last year over Detroit and Cincinnati. The Saint Lunachix are 2-2 at the event in its two-year appearance.

A preview of the ARRG teams this weekend at Midwest Brewhaha:
ARRG ALL-STARS – WFTDA #13 – CURRENT RECORD: 6-2
FRIDAY, MAY 31 2:15 PM   VS. PIKES PEAK (WFTDA #59)
Friday’s opening bout on Track #2 should be a good primer for the locals. Pikes Peak, currently 1-1 in WFTDA-sanctioned bouts and #59 in the WFTDA, finished the 2012 season as the fourteenth-ranked team in the East Region of the WFTDA.

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="312"] Pikes Peak Derby Dames All-Stars - Photo credit: Pikes Peak Derby Dames[/caption]

After posting a 358-81 February victory over Arkansas Valley (WFTDA #115), the Colorado Springs league dropped a non-sanctioned bout to Rocky Mountain (WFTDA #8). I won’t tell you what the final was in that bout. Let’s just say it wasn’t pretty.

Earlier this month, Pikes Peak was thumped 350-50 by No Coast (WFTDA #25). This is the same No Coast team that snatched a three-point win over Arch Rival in March.

If one looks at this match-up on paper, this bout should overwhelmingly favor the ARRG All-Stars. In the new complexion of the WFTDA rankings system, anything less than a 200-point win would be considered a disappointment for ARRG.

That being said, Pikes Peak is a game competitor. Veteran jammers Pepper Slay. Audi My Way and Kamilla Bloodspilla will pace the scoring. Longtime blockers Cherry Springer, Cat Black N’ Ballou, Destiny Blaze, Moxie Mallicious and Rushin’ Bride as well as pivot Slaughter Than Hell will set up the foundation.

There are a lot of additions to this season’s Pikes Peak charter and all will be looking to get some valuable experience in the bout.

The ARRG All-Stars won the only prior match-up between the two leagues. St. Louis posted a `155-101 road win in Colorado on March 19, 2011.
SUNDAY, JUNE 2  12:30 PM  VS. DETROIT (WFTDA #16)
Now onto the match-up that carries a lot more weight and intrigue.

When Arch Rival posted a 186-130 victory over Detroit at last year’s Brewhaha, it was arguably the biggest win for St. Louis to date. The league had never beaten Detroit historically and had never conquered a fourth-ranked team in the North Central region. As a result, the 56-point win shook up the foundation of the region’s hierarchy.

The timing was perfect for the upset at the time. It was the first bout for Detroit in 2012 and Arch Rival already had numerous bouts in hand. Detroit was also in the process of reloading its line-up due to numerous retirements.

Detroit inevitably finished fifth in the 2012 WFTDA North Central playoffs and built the foundation for a future hard charge.

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="316"] Detroit Derby Girls All-Stars - Photo Credit: Detroit Derby Girls[/caption]

The travel season started earlier this year for Detroit and the results have been impressive. Motown currently sports a 3-1 record. They started the season with a 295-154 February win over Brewcity (WFTDA #36) and followed that in March with a 1-point win over Steel City (WFTDA #22).

A 36-point road setback to Naptown (WFTDA #18) in April resulted in its one lone blemish on the ledger thus far. Detroit rebounded with a 357-77 win over Tallahassee (WFTDA #46) on May 10 to up its mark to 3-1.

As projected, the 2013 version of the Detroit Derby Girls is a very dangerous squad. With a mix of wily veterans and hard-charging youngsters, this legacy team will be looking to make a charge to the WFTDA Championships after sitting out the last two years.

Detroit veteran jammer Racer McChaseHer is the lynchpin of this talented group. Lazer Beam, Ally Sin Shoverland and Roxanna Hardplace compliment Detroit in the jamming rotation. Long-time blockers Honey Suckit, boo d. livers, Fatal Femme and a host of others will set up the foundation.

Detroit remembers the 2012 setback to Arch Rival quite well. One can expect that they will be more than motivated to knock off the league that sits three spots higher on the WFTDA totem pole.
ARRG SAINT LUNACHIX - CURRENT RECORD: 5-2
FRIDAY, MAY 31  5:45 PM  VS. BREWCITY BATTLESTARS
In a neat twist, this will be the undercard to the main event of Friday’s action at Brewhaha. As a result, the Lunachix will have to stave Motown’s b-team homecoming.

Brewcity’s Battlestars are currently undefeated heading into Brewhaha. Their 5-0 record includes wins over the b-teams of No Coast (131-126), Omaha (137-119) and Killamazoo (242-89). They also have wins over the A-squads of Fox Cityz (WFTDA #153) and Ann Arbor (unranked.)

The Saint Lunachix posted a 183-113 victory over the Battlestars last June at Midwest Sport Hockey.
SATURDAY, JUNE 1  12:30 PM VS. WINDY CITY SECOND WIND
This bout will be the first-ever meeting between the two squads and should be, realistically, the b-team bout to watch this weekend.

WCR’s Second Wind rolls into Brewhaha with a 1-1 record. After falling to the A-squad of Toronto 231-170 in March, the Second Wind posted an impressive 173-98 road victory over the Naptown Warning Belles on April 27.

As to be expected for b-squads, there is a lot of turnover to the Second Wind 2013 roster. However, blockers Dinah Party and Yameet Ur Doom are long-time lynchpins and should lead the charge.
SUNDAY, JUNE 2  10:45 PM VS. DETROIT DISASSEMBLY LINE
This is the only bout for the Lunachix this weekend that doesn’t have the element of the unknown. The Lunachix faced Motown at the B-Cup Tournament in February and posted a 276-71 victory at the event’s third-place bout.

Since the February loss, the Disassembly Line (1-3) were handed a 269-59 road setback to the Naptown Warning Belles in April.

Detroit’s Catch-La-Fever will look to post points against the Chix.

Altogether, both ARRG teams will experience hard challenges throughout the weekend. They’ll have plenty of St. Louis support at US Cellular as members of the STL Gatekeepers men’s derby franchise will also be competing this weekend, the always vocal ARRG Jeerleaders will be cheering trackside and a faithful following from ARRG Nation will make the trek to represent.

The weekend, as a whole, will contain numerous match-ups that will make the “derbyverse” take notice.

A look at the other high-profile A-team match-ups this weekend:
BREWHAHA FRIDAY
DC Roller Girls vs. Mad Rollin’ Dolls: Hard-charging Madison (WFTDA #27) will look to improve on its 2-2 mark against a very capable squad from the nation’s capital (WFTDA #44). Don’t let DC’s 2-5 record fool you! All its losses have been to higher-ranked opponents, including WFTDA Top 20’s Philly and Charm City.

North Star vs. Old Capitol City: Friday’s Brewhaha event opener pits two comparable teams. North Star (WFTDA #93) is 2-1, with lopsided wins over Des Moines and Mississippi Valley. Higher-ranked Old Cap (WFTDA #69)is 2-7, which includes a pair of setbacks to the St. Chux Derby Chix. A rankings upset is ripe.
BREWHAHA SATURDAY
Windy City vs. Detroit: A Saturday afternoon treat! Windy City (WFTDA #9) faces Detroit (WFTDA #16) for the first time since August 2011. Windy City, 3-0 in sanctioned play, has posted wins over Montreal, Toronto and London. Detroit (3-1) suffered a 36-point loss to Naptown in April. Detroit has never been the Chicagoans, this might be the opportunity they’ve been craving.

Minnesota vs. Gotham: This year’s rep from the East has won the Hydra Cup the last three seasons and justifiably holds the #1 position in the current WFTDA rankings. New York’s lone sanctioned bout this season resulted in a 166-point win over Philly. When this team hits the flat-track, others watch in awe. Former Arch Rival skater Davey Blockit plays blocker for the Gotham travel charter. Minnesota (WFTDA #10) currently is 0-3 in sanctioned play. Setbacks to higher-ranked Texas, Rocky Mountain and Denver have resulted in a goose-egg in the ledger, yet this talented team is capable of hanging tough with the best.

NEO vs. Paper Valley: Two teams that you have probably never heard of before dual for a potential WFTDA post-season berth. North East Ohio (WFTDA #61) and Appleton, Wisconsin’s Paper Valley (WFTDA #63) want to make the jump into the 2013 Division 2 playoffs. The WFTDA teams ranked 41-60 in mid-July make it. The winner of this one certainly increases its respective chance.

Cincinnati vs. Arizona: ARRG’s nemesis from Cincy, blocker Sadistic Sadie, is back in the fold in 2013 and the Black Sheep (WFTDA #34) have benefitted with her return. They’re currently 6-2 after winning half a dozen straight. When Sadie plays clean, they’re very good. When she doesn’t (an ejection after jam four against Bleeding Heartland, for example), they struggle. Arizona (WFTDA #55) is 0-5, but all setbacks have been against high-competition. It’s the ‘ol “the team that plays cleanest wins” line of logic applied here.
BREWHAHA SUNDAY
Minnesota vs. Ohio: Another quality match-up for Sunday finds the hard-charging rollers from Ohio (WFTDA #20) facing the team that they competed against in its first WFTDA-sanctioned bout in November 2006. A lot has changed for both over time and one can expect and extremely competitive bout…one that realistically (in this scribe’s mind) has no projected winner.

Gotham vs. Windy City: On paper, closer that Saturday’s Gotham/Minnesota bout, but that’s little comfort for Windy City, who were thumped by New York by 165 points at last July’s “Star of Texas Bowl.”

Arizona vs. Brewcity: The Brewhaha hostesses sacrificed the main event slot on Saturday and Sunday in order to give top-billing to WFTDA “queenpin” Gotham. This might be the bout to send the local contingent home happy if they don’t want to watch the New Yorkers. Brewcity (WFTDA #36) has had an extremely busy 2013 thus far and currently sport a 4-8 record. Wins have been impressive, losses have been heartbreaking. A comparable match-up that belies rankings.

(Muckety Memo: The Brewhaha weekend features 20 WFTDA-sanctioned bouts. I and four other derby yappers make our predictions on all the A-team match-ups and look at the specific teams to watch for. Check out THIS LINK RIGHT HERE later in the week to see who we selected.)

Brewhaha should be a fun one for the derby fan and hopefully Arch Rival will collectively go 5-0 for the event. We’ll find out this weekend in Milwaukee!

NEXT MONDAY IN THE ARRG NEWSCENTER: A recap of ARRG’s Brewhaha weekend and the league’s C-team prepares for a cross-county match-up on June 8. Next week, a preview of the ARRG’s Fleur-De-Linquents  vs. St. Chux Helles Belles!

Muckety Muck and Magilla Guerilla are bout co-announcers for the Arch Rival Roller Girls. Check back in this section on Mondays for the latest in ARRG news and information.

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PLUS, ALL-STARS PUMMEL DUTCHLAND AT SPRING ROLL

by Muckety Muck, ARRG Bout Co-Announcer - Photos by Bob Dunnell

(INDIANAPOLIS, IN) In a city that’s synonymous with fast-moving, wheeled objects moving in counter-clockwise fashion, the hostesses lapped St. Louis squads on Saturday and took home the checkered flag.

The travel teams of the Arch Rival Roller Girls dropped two bouts to the Naptown Roller Girls at the Indiana Convention Center in front of 1,300.

In the main event, the Naptown Tornado Sirens, ranked nineteenth in the WFTDA, overpowered #13 Arch Rival 167-108 in sanctioned action. Meanwhile in the b-team undercard, a late-sprint off of penalties helped the Naptown Warning Belles notch a 204-154 over ARRG’s Saint Lunachix.

The pair of setbacks dropped the respective records of the ARRG All-Stars and the Lunachix to 5-2.
#19 NAPTOWN 167   #13 ARCH RIVAL  108
Naptown's 59-point trip to the winner’s circle over ARRG’s A-team boosted its sanctioned bout record to 5-0.

“I would have loved to have won by more,” said Naptown jammer Maiden America after the triumph. “I don’t care if we’re up by 15 points or if we’re up by 150 points, we want to win by more, no matter what we’re up against. It was nice that we won over a team that was ranked higher (in the WFTDA) than us. I’ll take it as a win and it will ultimately improve our ranking.”

The task was not easy as Arch Rival was game from the onset and provided plenty of hassles in the first period. Following a bout-opening trey from America, a 2-1 jam from Pushy Cat stretched Naptown’s lead to 5-1.

Then following a scoreless jam, ARRG’s Mighty Mighty Boston notched a five-pointer, resulting in a 6-5 scoreboard flip for St. Louis four minutes deep. South City Shiner added three on the next rotation to stretch the ARRG margin to 9-5 with 24:20 left in the period.

After Pushy Cat posted four to tie the score at 9-9, Arch Rival’s May Require Stitches reciprocated with four that gave St. Louis a 13-9 lead at the 21:50 mark.

Naptown surged on the next rotation as America collected a natural 14-pointer that gave the Tornado Sirens a 23-13 lead with 20:10 left in the period.

In jam nine, Arch Rival regained the lead after Pushy Cat was sent off for a track cut. A 15-point power jam for Shiner ensued and the visitors regained the advantage, 28-23 with 18:40 left in the period.

Naptown posted back-to-back four pointers from G-Rocket and America that resulted in the bout’s fourth lead change and a 31-28 advantage.

The tension, and the impact hits, was perpetually building. ARRG’s blocking schema of Stitches, Mayor Francis Slayer, Chewblocka, Science Friction, Grave Danger, The Educator, Shimmy Hoffa and Smarty McFly went toe-stop-to-toe-stop with Circle City’s finest.

A 0-0 stalemate in jam 12 was followed by a five-pointer from Arch Rival’s Brickyard. Another strike, another lead change. ARRG sported a 33-31 edge with 13:55 left.

Naptown responded with a methodical 17-0 rally spread across the next five jams. A lead-changing trey from America was followed by five from G-Rocket scored at 11:40 that extended the NRG lead to 39-33. A solo point from America was followed by a pair of four-pointers from Willa Hoeflinch and G-Rocket. The conclusion of the 17-point uncontested run gave Indianapolis a 48-33 lead with 8:50 left in the period.

A 7-2 strike for America in jam 19 pushed the Naptown lead to 55-35. The Tornado Sirens widened the gap to 73-35 following G-Rocket’s 18-pointer with 4:00 left in the first.

Arch Rival countered with a 23-0 rally in the waning stages of the frame thanks to Naptown penalties. A Pushy Cat track cut led to an 18-point power jam for Brickyard in the period’s penultimate jam. Boston’s five on the final rotation to whittled Naptown’s margin to 73-58 at intermission.

Boston’s second-period 4-0 launch for ARRG made the bout a nine-point affair, 73-62. The Tornado Sirens countered with a 20-0 run on the next two jams. Hoeflinch scored a 15-point power jam and America tacked a five-pointer that widened the Naptown lead to 93-62 with 25:30 remaining in the bout. A 9-9 push over the next two jams put the score at 102-71.

The Tornado Sirens posted a 28-0 rally over the next five jams to create comfort. Four from Hoeflinch was followed by a 7-0 jam from G-Rocket that extended Naptown’s lead to 113-71 with 18:30 left. America posted 10 points on the next rotation to widen the gap to 123-71.

Meanwhile Naptown’s blocking schema - paced by Asian Sinsation, Dora the Destroyer, R.I.P. Tide, Cereal Killer and a host of others - put the clamp down on any Arch Rival comeback. In the process, Hoeflinch and G-Rocket added four and three, respectively, to conclude the 28-point uncontested steak and push Naptown’s lead to 130-71 with 14:30 left.

Arch Rival tried to chip away at the deficit as the period progressed but kept finding itself stymied by Naptown’s solid defense. The Tornado Sirens put the nail in the coffin with Pushy Cat’s natural 24-pointer scored with 6:00 left that widened the lead to 165-83.

Despite a late ARRG surge that tightened the final differential, the Tornado Sirens outscored Arch Rival 94-50 in the second period to earn the 167-108 win over the squad that currently sits six positions higher in the WFTDA hierarchy.

“I think it was the teamwork,” said Naptown’s Sinsation of the win. “Arch Rival is an insanely strong team. They’re very fast on their feet, so we knew we just had to stay together.”

G-Rocket led the Tornado Sirens’ scoring ledger with 47 points.

Arch Rival, who dropped to 5-2 with the setback, was paced by Brickyard’s 33 points. Naptown chose Boston and Stitches as “MVP Jammer” and “MVP Blocker,” respectively.
UNOFFICIAL SCORING
NAPTOWN TORNADO SIRENS (167): G-Rocket 47, Pushy Cat 39, Maiden America 37, Willa Hoeflinch 34.

ARCH RIVAL ALL-STARS (108): Brickyard 33, Mighty Mighty Boston 30, South City Shiner 28, May Require Stitches 13, Smarty McFly 4.
NRG WARNING BELLES   204    ARRG SAINT LUNACHIX   154
The final differential of the b-team undercard replicated the main event, yet both teams were neck-and-neck down the stretch. A sprint by the Warning Belles late in the second period was pivotal in the 50-point win.

Lunachix jammer EnYa Nightmare began the bout with a 5-0 jam. Naptown’s Traumalina countered with a nine-point strike that gave the Warning Belles a 9-5 edge. A 3-2 jam for Honey Badger stretched the Naptown lead to 12-7 with 26:40 left in the period.

Nightmare posted a trey at 25:33 to make the bout a two-point affair, 12-10.

The Warning Belles went on a 17-0 roll with four consecutive lead jams. Eve Anne Hellical started with a nine-point strike for Naptown, extending the lead to 21-10. Then after Traumalina tacked on two, Badger added four, and Itsy Gitsi tacked on a pair of points to finish the run and extend the Naptown advantage to 29-10 with 20:45 left in the period.

Killer Painguin stopped the Chix drought by scoring seven at 20:00 to whittle the deficit to a dozen points, 29-17.

An 8-8 push on jam 10 raised the score to 37-25 in favor of Naptown.

Following Pink Diamond’s solo point at 17:40, the Warning Belles scored 20 straight. Gitsi posted eight to stretch the lead to 45-26. Hellical added 10 in jam 13 to widen the margin to 55-26. Traumalina added a pair of non-lead points with 12:00 left in the period to run the Warning Belles’ lead to 57-26.

The Lunachix powered its way back into contention with a 29-0 rally. The St. Louis blocking schema, led by Morgan LeFaetal, The Siege, The Ginger Assassin, Ginny Beastly, Megalodominator,Sp!ce Rack, Hydrogen Bombshell and a host of others, spearheaded the charge. By capitalizing on Honey Badger’s track cut penalty, Diamond shined a 14-point power jam and pulled ARRG to 57-40 with 10:58 left in the period. Nightmare added eight on the next rotation to narrow the gap to 57-48.

After a scoreless stalemate on jam 17, the Chix gained another power jam. The tandem of Diamond and Nightmare notched five and four points, respectively. The 9-0 power jam combo finished the 29-point Lunachix rally and tied the score, 57-57 with 6:03 left in the frame.

The tie was broken after a scoreless jam as Diamond collected a 4-3 non-lead strike with 4:15 left in the period that gave ARRG a 61-60 advantage. Badger scored four for the Belles on the next jam to flip the scoreboard back in favor of Naptown, 64-61. Bitsi added a 4-2 strike with 2:10 left to widen the lead to 68-63.

On the period’s penultimate jam, Pink Diamond snatched a five-pointer for the Lunachix, resulting in another tie, 68-68 with 1:00 left on the period clock.

Nightmare’s solo point for the Chix concluded first half play and ARRG held a 69-68 edge at intermission.

Naptown’s Traumalina started the second period with a four-pointer that gave the Belles’ a 72-69 lead.

The Lunachix then rolled 15 points straight. Diamond’s power jam netted 10 and Painguin followed with five to give ARRG an 84-72 advantage with 26:40 left.

Once again, tables overturned in jam four, which resulted in another lead change. Gitsi gotsi 27-pointsi via a power jamski. The 27-3 momentum shifter gave Naptown a 97-87 lead with 24:00 remaining.

A 9-8 power jam for ARRG on the next rotation narrowed the margin to 105-96. Back-to-back four-pointers from Traumalina and Badger extended the Naptown lead to 17 points, 113-96 with 19:45 left.

In jam eight, Badger gained lead jammer for Naptown and scored three, but then was sent to the box for a track cut. With the non-lead power jam, Diamond posted 20…and viola!...the bout was tied 116-116 with 16:55 left.

Painguin posted a trey on the next rotation to push the Lunachix lead to 119-116. After Badger’s solo tally narrowed the bout to two points, Gitsi followed with a four-point jam for Naptown, resulting in the bout’s ninth lead change and a 121-119 edge for the Warning Belles with 14:08 left in regulation.

An 11-3 run for Naptown over the next four extended the Belles’ lead to 132-122 with 10 minutes left.

The Warning Belles then capitalized on ARRG penalties and posted a 57-5 rally over the next four jams to pull away. Anchored by a pair of Traumalina power jams that netted 20 and 25 points, respectively, Naptown stretched the lead to 189-127 with 2:30 remaining.

The Warning Belles outscored the Lunachix 132-85 in the second period to pick up the 204-154 victory and improve to 6-3. Traumalina paced the Warning Belles with 96 points.

The Lunachix, who dropped to 5-2 with the loss, was led by Diamond’s 83 points. Naptown selected Nightmare and The Siege as “MVP Jammer” and “MVP Blocker,” respectively. The Lunachix play next at Midwest Brewhaha 2013 in Milwaukee, WI in two weeks.
UNOFFICIAL SCORING
NRG WARNING BELLES (204): Traumalina 96, Itsy Gitsi 46, Eve Anne Hellical 35, Honey Badger 39, Eve Anne Hellical 35

ARRG SAINT LUNACHIX (154): Pink Diamond 83, EnYa Nightmare 52, Killer Painguin 17, Molecular Mayhem 2

At halftime of the b-team bout, Saint Lunachix skater Stray Touhell received a special surprise from members of her family at trackside. Touhell had missed her commencement ceremony from a St. Louis university earlier in the day in order to travel with the Saint Lunachix to Indianapolis.

Think about that for a second. Bypassing an academic achievement in order to participate in something that one holds true to their heart.

Some people would have stayed at home and took the walk in order to grab the sheepskin, but not Touhell. She didn’t give it a second thought. She wanted to compete with her team.

In what could be best described, in ARRG Newscenter speak, as a “pretty damn cool moment,” Touhell’s family presented her with a special display congratulating her on receiving her undergraduate degree.

Touhell’s teammates and the 1,300 at the Indiana Convention Center deservedly gave the skater a rousing ovation.

Congratulations Touhell on your graduation and thank you for your personal sacrifice in order to support the league!
ALL-STARS FLATTEN DUTCHLAND ON SUNDAY!
by Muckety Muck - Story constructed from online footage from Hinckley Productions

(FT. WAYNE, IN)  Immediately following the setback by the ARRG All-Stars at Naptown, the team immediately carpooled up I-69 North to Fort Wayne to participate in the 2013 Spring Roll Invitational at the Allen County War Memorial Coliseum.

A two-hour commute to reflect on what went right and wrong earlier in the evening. One had a feeling that when the All-Stars faced Dutchland - ranked #43 in the current WFTDA rankings - the next day, that some pent-up frustration may be unleashed.

Oh boy, was it ever!

The ARRG All-Stars flattened Dutchland 386-53 to improve its record to 6-2. Three ARRG skaters scored triple-digits in the 333-point win.

Arch Rival went on a 27-0 rally in the first three jams to begin the onslaught. After Mighty Mighty Boston collected a nine-point bout opening jam, South City Shiner tacked on four to make the score 13-0. Brickyard scored 14 on the third jam to give ARRG a 27-0 lead with 25:55 left in the first period.

A 6-2 jam by Boston in jam four stretched the lead to 33-2 with 24:45 left in the frame.

ARRG then went on a 55-0 run over the next 10 minutes. Highlighted by a 24-point power jam by Boston at 19:50, Arch Rival pulled ahead 88-2 with 14:50 left in the period.

Dutchland made waves in jam 12 by capitalizing on a non-lead power jam. Jammer Russian Bayou notched a 20-pointer and whittled the deficit to 88-22 with 13:00 left in the period.

Then Arch Rival said “no more”…..literally. They did not allow a single Dutchland point for the remainder of the half. It culminated in a 95-0 period-ending rally. Blockers May Require Stitches, Science Friction, Mayor Francis Slayer, Grave Danger, Shimmy Hoffa, Chewblocka, Smarty McFly, The Educator and a host of others gave little to no breathing room for the jammers and blockers from Lancaster , PA.

Boston notched a 10-point power jam at 11:50 to extend the ARRG lead to 98-22. Shiner followed with a 30-point mega jam on the next rotation to push the lead to 128-22.

Meanwhile, the ARRG blocking schema maintained complete control. At halftime, Arch Rival had a 183-22 lead.

Boston kept the momentum rolling with a 25-point power jam with the second period’s opening jam to widen the lead to 208-22.

The beatdown continued as the period progressed. By the time Dutchland scored its next set of points – a two-pointer - with 23:30 left in the period, ARRG had already completed a 150-0 run.

Yeah, a jaw-dropping 150-0 run. It was that kind of a bout. ARRG had a 238-24 lead that sent some to the concession stand for a hot pretzel.

The Arch Rival offense remained hot for the remainder of the bout. Brickyard scored a 35-pointer with 10:10 left extended the lead to 315-45. A 23-pointer from Shiner with 5:45 left pushed the margin to 362-45.

Arch Rival outscored Dutchland 203-31 in the second period to pick up the win and improve to 6-2. Shiner paced ARRG with a personal best of 131 points. Brickyard and Boston added 117 and 105 points, respectively.
UNOFFICIAL SCORING
ARRG ALL-STARS (386): South City Shiner 131, Brickyard 117, Mighty Mighty Boston 105, Smart McFly 33.

NEXT WEEK IN THE NEWSCENTER: There’s a one-week respite for the league due to the Memorial Day holiday weekend, but then arguably the busiest weekend for the league occurs one week later. The ARRG All-Stars and the Lunachix compete at a high-tiered event in Milwaukee. The All-Stars compete in two bouts, one of them against a highly-ranked familiar foe from Motown. The Saint Lunachix have three games on the docket, including a first-time meeting with a hard-charging legacy b-team from Chicago. The stakes are high in a whirlwind weekend. We’ll have a preview of all of the ARRG bouts and peek at some of the other high-caliber battles. Next week, it’s our look at Midwest Brewhaha 2013!

Muckety Muck and Magilla Guerilla are bout co-announcers for the Arch Rival Roller Girls. Check back in this section on Mondays for the latest in ARRG news and information.

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